IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The graph shows people from other countries living in Australia.

The graph shows people from other countries living in Australia.
#people #countries #australia
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This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss about
people
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 from different
countries
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 living in
Australia
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. Why
many
Add a missing verb
do many
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people
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 go to
Australia
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? Many
people
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 have few goals and desires. So they go to other
countries
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. A lot of
people
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 go to
Australia
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 for work, leisure or medical treatment.
Australia
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's medical services, education, culture and
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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beautiful nature.
Australia
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 is a unique and remote country. Everyone wants to go there. There is a different nature,
a
Correct word choice
and a
show examples
different time, and everyone wants to enjoy it. Currently, 70% of Australian film-goers are Australian-born, 65% are new migrants from English-speaking
countries
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, and a few are from other
countries
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. And
Linking Words
besides
Replace the word
beside
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them
Add a comma
,them
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theater
Change the spelling
theatre
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,
library
Correct article usage
a library
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 and there are
people
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 who come to the zoo. 9% more
people
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 from English-speaking
countries
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 come to the zoo than
people
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 who grew up in
Australia
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. Foreign-born immigrants to the library far outnumber English-speaking immigrants. Many
also
Linking Words
 come to
Australia
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 to see animals.
As a result
Linking Words
, the interest
to come
Change preposition
in coming
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 to
Australia
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 increases. In conclusion,
Australia
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 is one of the best
countries
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 in my opinion. Everyone dreams of going to
Australia
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.
Submitted by islomov1229 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, countries, australia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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