IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #schools #impact #children #environment
It is believed that to make a
child
 excel in life one needs to create a competitive
environment
 in his surroundings so that he can achieve success. But few people are of the view that schools are too competitive and
this
 has a negative impact on
children
 and some individuals believe that it is good to create a competitive
environment
 to encourage
children
 to achieve goals. In the following ,paragraphs I will discuss both these views
along with
 my opinion.
To begin
 with, the concept of schooling was created so that
children
 of the same age can learn and grow together.
Furthermore
, an educational institution creates an
environment
 among students where they desire to achieve more and perform better than others
while
 teachers try to maintain a healthy competition between them.
For example
, when an exam is conducted during a class on the topics that were discussed in the previous lectures so as to judge the grasping power of the kids and find out who needs more attention depending upon their answers.
As a result
, schools try to focus on enhancing the skills of
children
 and competition is just a criterion
that is
 followed by them to get good results.
On the other hand
, when a teacher becomes biased towards a particular
child
 or group of
children
 and focuses only on intelligent ones
then
this
 becomes a big problem.
Moreover
, a teacher or a school are the guiding and supporting pillars in one's life and they must provide knowledge and education apart from creating a bad
environment
 which makes
children
 depressed and scared of the school. And schools need to focus on making a
child
 a better person by providing the best.
To conclude
, I would say that it depends on the higher authorities of any institution how well they are handling things to provide the best
environment
 to
children
 and kids are not scared of unfair competition. In my opinion, competitive spirit should be inculcated in each
child
 at a very young age so that they can excel in life.
Submitted by resume2012principal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: