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Band 2.5

some people think that purpose of museums should be to attract and entertain young people. other belive that the purpose of a museum is to educate, not entertain.Discuss on both view.

#people #purpose #museums #belive #museum
museum
 is a
place
 to store historical relics unique paintings of the area era and the
place
 to display rare animals that are extinct.
Due to
 that reason, some
people
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
 that
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 just only be used in education. But on the other side they think that the purpose of
museums
 should be to attract and entertain young
people
 now we will discuss both viewpoints
Firstly
, there are many historical objects kept in the
museum
. Thanks to that
people
 will pressure the heroic events that happened decades ago. And through exhibiting about them we can receive and convey the message from the ancients.
As a result
,
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 should be used to educate
people
. It's a reasonable purpose of
Museums
Secondly
, some
people
 just identify
Museum
Correct article usage
the Museum
show examples
 as a
place
 to entertain. But
Correct article usage
a museums
show examples
museums
Change the noun form
museum
show examples
 is a
place
 where silence is needed and
people
 need to Ponder about the the objects
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
place
 in order to fully understand their meaning.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 not
everyones
Correct your spelling
everyone
 can realize what
people
 want to say through the relics.
Therefore
,
Museums
 are suitable for
museums
.
To conclude
,
Correct article usage
a museums
show examples
museums
Change the noun form
museum
show examples
 is a
place
 for
people
 who want to learn about things in the world and history.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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