IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

some people think that purpose of museums should be to attract and entertain young people. other belive that the purpose of a museum is to educate, not entertain.Discuss on both view.

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museum
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 is a
place
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 to store historical relics unique paintings of the area era and the
place
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 to display rare animals that are extinct.
Due to
Linking Words
 that reason, some
people
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have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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belief
Replace the word
believe
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 that
Use synonyms
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
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 just only be used in education. But on the other side they think that the purpose of
museums
Use synonyms
 should be to attract and entertain young
people
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 now we will discuss both viewpoints
Firstly
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, there are many historical objects kept in the
museum
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. Thanks to that
people
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 will pressure the heroic events that happened decades ago. And through exhibiting about them we can receive and convey the message from the ancients.
As a result
Linking Words
,
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museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
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 should be used to educate
people
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. It's a reasonable purpose of
Museums
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Secondly
Linking Words
, some
people
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 just identify
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Museum
Correct article usage
the Museum
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 as a
place
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 to entertain. But
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Correct article usage
a museums
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museums
Change the noun form
museum
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 is a
place
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 where silence is needed and
people
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 need to Ponder about the the objects
on
Change preposition
in
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this
Linking Words
place
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 in order to fully understand their meaning.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
,hand
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 not
everyones
Correct your spelling
everyone
 can realize what
people
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 want to say through the relics.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
Museums
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 are suitable for
museums
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a museums
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museums
Change the noun form
museum
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 is a
place
Use synonyms
 for
people
Use synonyms
 who want to learn about things in the world and history.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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