IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The maps show the developments which took place at the seaside resort of Templeton in 1990 and 2005.

The maps show the developments which took place at the seaside resort of Templeton in 1990 and 2005.
The maps show the developments which took place at the seaside resort of Templeton in 1990 and 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, in 1990, the town was
much
Add an article
a much
the much
show examples
 greener area with a large number of trees and individual
houses
Use synonyms
, but during the next 15
years
Add a comma
,years
show examples
 the town witnessed a number of dramatic changes. The most noticeable is that all of
trees
Add an article
the trees
show examples
 west of the river were cut down,
along
Linking Words
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
houses
Use synonyms
 were demolished being replaced by
supermarket
Fix the agreement mistake
supermarkets
show examples
 and apartment
houses
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the new factory sprang up south-east of
river
Add an article
the river
show examples
,
also
Linking Words
 the railway
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 made up all the way from
railway
Correct article usage
the railway
show examples
 station to
west
Correct article usage
the west
show examples
 of the town.
Further
Linking Words
 developments were the construction of the airport
as well as
Linking Words
 way to supermarket and apartment
houses
Use synonyms
 north-west of
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
. The Ferry was
also
Linking Words
 established near the railway station.
To sum up
Linking Words
, a comparison of the two maps reveals a change from a largely rural to a mainly urban landscape.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words houses with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "maps" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: