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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below represents the percentage of tourists to Engalnd who visited four different

The line graph below represents the percentage of tourists to Engalnd who visited four different
#line #percentage #tourists #engalnd #four
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The line graph below represents the percentage of tourists to
Engalnd
Correct your spelling
England
 who visited four different Brighton attractions between 1980 and 2010. As we see, in 1980 and 2010 the most popular leisure
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 were the Pavilion and the Festival. In 1980 the least popular
attraction
Use synonyms
 was the Pier,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
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 in 2010
this
Linking Words
 had changed and the Art gallery became the least popular one. During the 1980s and
1985s
Add a comma
,1985s
show examples
 there was a huge amount of
visitors
Use synonyms
 who wanted to visit the Art gallery. The percentage of
visitors
Use synonyms
 had changed from 22% to 38%.
Same
Correct article usage
The same
show examples
 happened to the Pavilion, but in another time period. In
1980s
Change the article
the 1980s
show examples
 it was a pretty popular
attraction
Use synonyms
, but in 1985 and 1995
visitors
Use synonyms
 suddenly increased from 26% to almost 50%.
Visitors
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the Pier
also
Linking Words
 fluctuated
from
Change preposition
between
show examples
 1980 and 2005,
then
Linking Words
 it had
rised
Correct your spelling
risen
raised
 and significantly made the Art gallery the worst
between
Change preposition
among
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 all Brighton attractions. On the whole, all Brighton
Use synonyms
attraction
Fix the agreement mistake
attractions
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 had a lot of changes. For the whole period Festival
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
experienced a bit of fluctuations, and it was the most peaceful one.It ended the year up as the
second best
Add a hyphen
second-best
show examples
attraction
Use synonyms
 in England.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words attraction, visitors with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "represents" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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