IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children these messages?

#cultures #children #messages
Although
 adults often
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
 in children the belief that diligence can lead to success,
this
 notion has both
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 and
unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
show examples
 impacts on young individuals.
This
 essay will examine both perspectives. To commence, there exists a constructive facet to
this
 concept, whereby children are encouraged to tackle challenges, fostering
potential
Change the adjective
potentially
show examples
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 outcomes. In the context of academia, scholastic achievements hold paramount importance for youngsters.
Consequently
, as they grasp the correlation between diligent studying and
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 outcomes, they become incentivized to embrace studying as a habitual practice.
Consequently
, these children evolve into well-educated scholars, potentially paving their way to prestigious university admissions.
Conversely
, an excessive adherence to
this
 notion can engender profound disillusionment when youngsters encounter failures.
This
 is particularly pertinent when their inherent talents or gifts are not taken into consideration.
For instance
, a child with limited athletic aptitude who expends considerable effort aspiring to become a renowned soccer player may face insurmountable challenges. Persisting in the belief that exertion is infallible despite stark realities can lead to eventual despondency. In summation,
while
 the efficacy of industriousness in yielding positive outcomes is indisputable, an unwavering devotion to
this
 principle can eventually prove detrimental. It is imperative to recognize that accomplishment hinges not solely on effort, but
also
 on inherent aptitudes and talents.
Submitted by songcheng619 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: