IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You would like to work for a company or organisation in a foreign country. Write a letter to an employment agency. In your letter: • Describe the kind of job you would like to do • Explain which country or part of the world you would like to work in • Tell them why you are interested in working in another country

#work #company #organisation #country #employment #agency #job #part #world
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Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter about searching for a job as a project manager in a multinational software firm in an overseas country.Actually,I completed my project manager certification course
last
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 month and
also
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 cleared a PMI examination,which is valid all over the world.So,My Main goal is to acquire a job in the Microsoft organization in New York,USA as it provides numerous benefits to the employees ,
such
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 as handsome salaries,medical facilities,paid vacations and a luxurious lifestyle.
Hence
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,if I would obtain
this
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 job after my efforts,
then
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 my dream of life would be true.
Moreover
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,I would enjoy the multicultural environment of a workplace,which is impossible in my home country and
also
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 learn about various cultures
while
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 meeting with people. Hope so you will revert soon after my consideration. Yours faithfully, Kamalpreet Kaur.
Submitted by kamalkaur.er on

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coherence cohesion
Try to separate different aspects of your response into individual paragraphs for clarity.
task achievement
Pay attention to the use of articles (e.g., 'a', 'the'). For instance, instead of 'an overseas country', you might say 'another country'.
task achievement
The letter clearly outlines the kind of job you are looking for and your qualifications, which helps in understanding your requirements well.
task achievement
The tone of your letter is very professional and polite, which is suitable for a formal letter to an employment agency.
coherence cohesion
You've included a proper greeting and closing, which gives your letter a respectful and structured presentation.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment agency
  • abroad
  • specific role
  • industry
  • qualifications
  • experience
  • cultural exposure
  • economic reasons
  • professional growth
  • career opportunities
  • reiterate
  • guidance
  • job search
  • motivation
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