IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries young people choosing to enrol in work based training instead of university education

#countries #people #enrol #work #university #education
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In today's society, Education is an aspect of life that has been given the utmost importance.
While
Linking Words
 in many countries young people choose to enrol in vocational training
instead
Linking Words
 of pursuing a university education.
However
Linking Words
,
this
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 practice brings about a mix beg of both and bane. I believe that work-based training surely
brought
Wrong verb form
brings
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 positive benefits
for
Change preposition
to
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students.
Therefore
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, the advantages clearly outshine the disadvantages. On the constructive part, younglings
is
Change the verb form
are
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 blessed with numerous merits because of apprenticeship at an early age.
To begin
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 with, being employed just after finishing school can bring a sense of responsibility.
For instance
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,
In
Change preposition
apply
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a recent article published by
American
Correct article usage
an American
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 magazine reported that approximately 80% of American youth started their own career at eighteen and
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
mostly
succeed
Wrong verb form
succeeded
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 in it.
Secondly
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, vocational training can enhance abilities to try newer things. To illustrate, many students have found their desired career during their on-the-job training period. The famous founder of
the
Correct article usage
a
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 big textile brand in India got inspiration from his first part-time job in a cloth factory.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, eating in their initial stage of age has benefited them in other aspects of life.they become independent and learn to deal with real-life challenges. It can make them wise and mature. In
this
Linking Words
phase
Add a comma
,phase
show examples
while
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 they are on their own they are more likely to avoid silly mistakes. On the destructive part, there appears to be
short-coming
Correct your spelling
shortcomings
show examples
 in
this
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 trend. Chiefly, tertiary education is essential for the growth and development of a person. University can sharpen the knowledge and skills of individuals at the next level.
it
Capitalize word
It
show examples
 is
also
Linking Words
 worth mentioning that higher qualifications provide
stable
Correct article usage
a stable
show examples
 life and bigger salaries.
Linking Words
similarly
Capitalize word
Similarly
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, it is often observed that youngsters are stuck in their basic jobs forever.and
also
Linking Words
 develop laziness to switch careers. I believe that there is no significant drawback that can outweigh the advantages.
precisely
Capitalize word
Precisely
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 trying every kind of work can open a wide range of opportunities for students.
Submitted by sharmap1811 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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