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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages giving children this message?

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In many cultures,
children
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 are often told that by trying hard enough, they can achieve anything they want.
While
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this
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 message can motivate young people to pursue their goals, it may,
however
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, create false hope, disappointment, and depression when they couldn’t achieve as much as they put effort into. The advantage of giving
children
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this
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 message is that it motivates their positive attitude to face challenges and difficulties.
This
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 encourages them that if they complete their duties, it is sure to obtain the good results that they desire, even though they experience obstacles.
As a result
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,
children
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 become
a
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apply
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more determined and disciplined
person
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apply
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in pursuing their goals.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 disadvantages to
this
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 message. They might experience negative emotions when they fail
due to
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 unexpected situations. It is equally important that
children
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 should not only be taught by telling motivational ways to pursue their ambitions, but
also
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 by reminding them that failure is always possible for those who lack awareness of the real-world situation. In the real-world, success depends not only on how much effort you put in but
also
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 on a lot of factors
such
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 as individual ability, parenting, environment, financial resources, and even the administration of a country, which are either not in their control or their choice. In conclusion, telling
children
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 that they can accomplish anything if they work hard has both merits and drawbacks. If done correctly,
children
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 can be encouraged, motivated, and inspired to pursue their goals and ambitions.
In addition
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, it is important for them to know some
part
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apply
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of the difficulties in the real-world situation.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about good and bad points, but each side needs a bit more detail.
task response
Add one clear example for the good side and one for the bad side. This will make your ideas stronger.
task response
Be careful with some ideas that are too general. Try to explain how and why the result happens.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is good, but a few sentences are not smooth. Try to connect ideas in a more natural way.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence form and word choice because some parts make the meaning less clear.
task response
You answer both the good and bad sides of the question.
task response
Your main idea is clear: this message can give hope, but it can also lead to sad feelings.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear paragraphing with an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like 'On the other hand' and 'As a result'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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