IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on protection of wild animals, and that this money could be better spent on the human population. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

In recent years, whether spending
money
Use synonyms
 and time on
save
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
 wild
animals
Use synonyms
 or on populations living in the poorest areas, which have been receiving a great deal of public attention.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend bears some drawbacks, I
belive
Use the right word
believe
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 that the benefits of spending on the poor outweigh the drawbacks. Admittedly, from an environmentalist’s perspective, spending
money
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 to save wild
animals
Use synonyms
 is extremely necessary and justifiable.
This
Linking Words
 means that they play a significant role in
balance
Replace the word
balancing
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ecosystem
Correct article usage
the ecosystem
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. All
animals
Use synonyms
 are connected in one way or another in food chains.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, when an animal overpopulation or underpopulation leads to the brink of extinction,
The
Fix capitalization
the
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 natural balance will be disrupted, and ecosystems cannot be sustained.
For example
Linking Words
, in 2019, a large bushfire occurred in Australia, killing more than five hundred thousand
animals
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, including koalas. They are on the verge of extinction and are listed in the
red list
Fix capitalization
Red List
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. Their extinction will seriously affect the food chains of other
animals
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,
such
Linking Words
 as dogs, cats, etc.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I think the economic development of
people
Use synonyms
 in poor areas is more important and urgent. In fact, in order to protect wildlife, we must improve the quality of
people
Use synonyms
's lives. By improving the infrastructure, paying attention to health and education, and solving the unemployment of the
people
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, the country's economy can be ensured. From there, we will have
money
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 to spend on other things.
For example
Linking Words
, the economic crisis in Venezuela in 2013 led to the deterioration of
people
Use synonyms
's lives there.
Therefore
Linking Words
, their government has
prioritized
Use the right word
prioritised
show examples
 spending
money
Use synonyms
 to meet the basic needs of the
people
Use synonyms
 before other issues. In conclusion, with the convincing argument mentioned above, it is extremely necessary to protect wildlife
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 develop the country's economy. But in my opinion, we should
prioritize
Use the right word
prioritise
show examples
 spending
money
Use synonyms
 and time on
people
Use synonyms
's needs to develop their lives.

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task response
Task response: You answer the question but not in full. Say your view in the first line and keep it clear. Add more clear ideas and tie them to your main idea.
coherence
Coherence: Use a simple plan. Intro, two body para, and a short ending. This helps the flow.
coherence
Coherence: Make better links between ideas. Start each paragraph with a small sentence that tells the point.
strength
You show a clear view on the issue.
strength
You give examples to back up your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem stability
  • pollination
  • water purification
  • climate regulation
  • eco-tourism
  • scientific research
  • moral and ethical responsibility
  • deforestation
  • pollution
  • financial cost
  • social issues
  • healthcare
  • education
  • fund allocation
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