IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table compares the morning and afternoon time spent by British people who have no jobs between two genders last year.

The table compares the morning and afternoon time spent by British people who have no jobs between two genders last year.
The table compares the morning and
afternoon
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 spent by British people who
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 no jobs between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 genders
last
Linking Words
 year. It is clear from the statistics that unemployed
women
Use synonyms
 liked to dedicate themselves to housework throughout the day,
while
Linking Words
 unemployed
men
Use synonyms
 mostly spent their
time
Use synonyms
 looking for jobs in the morning and watching TV in the
afternoon
Use synonyms
. Housework occupied nearly half the unemployed population of
women
Use synonyms
 in the morning, and slightly over
one fifth
Add a hyphen
one-fifth
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in the
afternoon
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
, less than 20% of
men
Use synonyms
 spent
time
Use synonyms
 doing housework. Shopping counted
for
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the second most popular activity for
women
Use synonyms
, with a figure of 26% in the morning and 17% in the
afternoon
Use synonyms
. For
men
Use synonyms
 without jobs, job hunting was the main priority, with the highest figure of 22% in the morning and
relatively
Correct article usage
a relatively
show examples
 high figure of 12%, compared with that among
women
Use synonyms
 at only 16% and 13% respectively. In the
afternoon
Use synonyms
,
men
Use synonyms
favored
Change the spelling
favoured
show examples
 TV and gardening. Some of the least
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 activities of both
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 during
day
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
time
Use synonyms
include
Wrong verb form
included
show examples
 drinking, playing
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 and visiting town.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words afternoon, time, women, men with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "compares" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: