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Writing Samples
Band 6

As a results of tourism and the increasing number of people travelling, there is an growing demand for more flights. what problems does this have on the environment? what measures could be taken to solve the problem?

#results #tourism #people #demand #flights #environment #measures
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Due to
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 the increased Globalization, world
tourism
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 has spiked even more than before.
As a result
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, the number of
people
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 travelling across the globe has
also
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 risen, which brought the issue of more
flights
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 taking place and leading to the growing cause of air pollution. The problem of polluted air has become the major reason for damaging natural habitats and needs immediate attention to cope with the issue.
Firstly
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, the countries that heavily rely on the
tourism
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 industry as an only source of major income promote cheap
flights
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,
consequently
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, more and more
people
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 choose
such
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 locations for their vacations,
for instance
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, Maldives and Mauritius attract huge sums of
people
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 through special honeymoon and vacation packages that include flight and hotel charges.
As a result
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, the number of
flights
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 has risen significantly than ever before and is highly affecting the natural habitats of the birds. Not only
this
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 but, it's
also
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 becoming the major reason for the disoriented migration of birds that ultimately causes their death or even extinction when they end up in unknown places like Antarctica.
In addition
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, more
flights
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 mean more air pollution and lower wind quality to breathe in, which deteriorates our health in the long run. To combat
such
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 issues, stringent measures should be taken by the government of each country.
For instance
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, rather than focusing more on world
tourism
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, local
tourism
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 should be promoted and enhanced. The crowd throughout the country should visit the remote areas inside the nation's boundaries and
hence
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 promote their small businesses and contribute to their income.
Further
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, the service and consistency of other means of transportation can be improved and encouraged, so that the
people
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 travelling within the country can opt for trains and carpooling
instead
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 of boarding
flights
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 all the time.
To conclude
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, the recent trend of world
tourism
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 has enhanced the number of
people
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 boarding
flights
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 all the time, and causing major damage to our natural surroundings. To its solution government should take the initiative of promoting local
tourism
Use synonyms
 and other means of transportation throughout the nation.
Submitted by gk830922 on

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task response
Task Response: The essay partially addresses the task by discussing the problems of the increasing number of flights due to tourism and suggests measures to solve the problem. However, the essay needs to provide a more comprehensive response to the prompt by addressing the environmental impact of more flights in greater detail.
coherence & cohesion
Coherence & Cohesion: The essay has a somewhat logical structure and includes an introduction and conclusion. However, there are inconsistencies in the development of ideas, and the essay lacks a strong connection between paragraphs. The use of cohesive devices could be improved to enhance coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
Lexical Resource: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses a variety of phrases and expressions. However, some vocabulary choices are unclear or inaccurate, and there is a need for more precise and sophisticated language to convey ideas effectively.
grammatical range
Grammatical Range: The essay has a good range of grammatical structures and sentence complexity. However, there are instances of grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and word choice. It is important to use accurate grammar to convey ideas clearly and effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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