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Band 4.5

Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t. Discuss both these points of views and give your own opinion

#people #athletes #role #models #don’t #points
Nowadays, some
people
 hold an opinion that
athletes
 are not good role models for children.
While
this
 may be true for some
people
, I believe that
athletes
 are excellent idols for young
people
. On the one hand, there are some
athletes
 who create scandals, influencing young
people
 in a bad manner. To be more precise, it is now common to see
athletes
 that consume narcotics , rape women, and avoid taxes, which are all examples of unethical behaviours.
Therefore
, if
child
Add an article
a child
the child
show examples
 sees his favourite athlete
perfoming
Correct your spelling
performing
 any of the aforementioned behaviours, he might be influenced in a bad manner.
For instance
, football
playe
Correct your spelling
player
players
 Jayson Greenwood has recently been
acused
Correct your spelling
accused
 of rape of his girlfriend.
Consequently
, children who see their favourite football player rape
other woman
Change the wording
another woman
other women
show examples
 might consider it as normal, having a bad impact on them.
On the other hand
, since most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
athletes
 come from
lower class
Add a hyphen
lower-class
show examples
 families, they usually motivate
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
 generation to work
hardly
Rephrase
hard
show examples
. It is because young
people
 are able to put
themsleves
Correct your spelling
themselves
 in
shoes
Correct article usage
the shoes
show examples
 of their idols who
also
 had a bad living. My cousin,
for example
, wanted to become
professional
Correct article usage
a professional
show examples
 football
play
Replace the word
player
show examples
 when he saw one game of Leonel Messi. He was,
furtehrmore
Correct your spelling
furthermore
, motivated after he learned that L.Messi was from a
working class
Add a hyphen
working-class
show examples
 family.
As a result
, even though it is unlikely that he is going to achieve his dream, he will be able to be closer to his full potential . In conclusion, I think that
athletes
 are mostly good role models for children despite some of them
perfoming
Correct your spelling
performing
 unethical actions.
Submitted by ruf.eyvazov on

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tone
Refrain from using informal language and maintain a formal tone throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • exemplify
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • humble beginnings
  • motivate
  • inspire
  • teamwork
  • sportsmanship
  • negative behavior
  • drug abuse
  • unlawful activities
  • sensationalizes
  • unrealistic
  • unattainable standards
  • material success
  • skewed value system
  • high visibility
  • magnifies
  • faults
  • misleading
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