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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table and chart below. Give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain. The table shows where the money came from and the chart shows how it was distributed. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant

The table and chart below. Give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain. The table shows where the money came from and the chart shows how it was distributed. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant
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The table illustrates the data about the sources of
money
Use synonyms
 on the police fund,
whereas
Linking Words
 the pie charts display the proportion of how it was interspersed in one area of England in the years 2017 and 2018. The general overview is that the national government accounts for the vast majority of the police budget in both following years.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is apparent that the most spending
money
Use synonyms
 is
occupied
Verb problem
spent
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 on salaries,
while
Linking Words
 it is least subsidized to the technology sector.
Asper
Correct your spelling
As per
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 the table, the detriment of funding from the national government, local tax, and other sources
are
Wrong verb form
was
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 175.5
million
Use synonyms
, 91.2
million
Use synonyms
, and 38
million
Use synonyms
 respectively in 2017.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the amount of
money
Use synonyms
 varies when compared to the next year in which the summarised number of
money
Use synonyms
 is minimally higher than the previous year from 304.7
million
Use synonyms
 to 318.6
million
Use synonyms
. Moving on to how the finances were advocated, it is noticeable that the salaries slightly
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 from 75% to 69% from 2017 to 2018,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, the technology sector had unnoticeably increased from 8% to 14%. In the same way, the building and transport categories stay constant at 17%.
Submitted by Amp on

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words money, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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