Violence and crime have increased in most major cities of the world. Some people say this is because children now play violent video games online. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#violence #crime #cities #world #people #children #video #games

Nowadays, most major cities around the globe suffer from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

increasing violence and crime rates.

While

some people indicate that the prevalence of violent

video

games

leads to

children

's violent tendencies. I believe there is no direct link between both of them. On the one hand, some people blame

children

for having violent tendencies because they are addicted to

video

games

. And those violent

children

would become criminals in the future.

However

children

who show aggressive personalities likely suffer from difficulties in regulating their emotions. There are several possible reasons.

Firstly

, their parent might not spend enough time to accompany their

children

. Some lonely

children

will use improper methods to gain their parent’s attention. Adults should teach the younger generation how to ease their anxiety and regulate their motions

instead

of simply criticizing their behaviour.

On the other hand

, violent

video

games

have several prospects. I believe it is a blessing rather than a curse. In most violent online

video

games

, violence is not their majority element. If

video

games

merely involve violent fights, there

are

Change the verb form

show examples

no impossibility for them to become so popular. There might be exciting adventures and fascinating

storyline

Fix the agreement mistake

storylines

show examples

in it. Most online

video

games

are equipped with chatting functions, and some

children

meet online friends and establish their friendships through playing the

games

. They play different characters in the fight and learn how to cooperate through the numerous adventures.

However

, if

children

show an addition to

video

games

, parents should teach them time management

instead

of forcing them to leave their computers.

Children

who grow up with good parenting would not lead to violent personalities even if they enjoy playing

video

games

To sum up

, everything has two sides and violent

video

games

are no exception. Spending too much time on them could cause negative development but there are still advantages involved. And there is no direct link between the increasing crime rates and the popularity of violent

video

games

Submitted by BeckyJ on Sun Aug 27 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

324 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In this contemporary world, more and more children incline to employ in rewarding jobs, for supporting their well-beings'. Some people argue with this statement, as in in their ages they should study rather than work, while others insist that it is work experience that can be useful in the future live . In this essay, I am going to discuss both views, before getting my own opinion.
8.5
band
A young person will start work at your office next month to gain work experience. Write a letter to him/her. In your letter •inform him/her about the work that needs to be done at the office; •explain what he/she is supposed to do on the first day; •suggest what he/she should bring to work.
I am writing this letter to inform you about the tasks which you are going to implement during your employment hours.
7
band
Society now has the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world, due to the improvement of automation. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Society now has the liberty to work and live anywhere in the world due to the improvement of transmission automation and transportation. In my opinion, the merits of this outweigh the demerits.
6
band
Some people find it difficult to manage their money. How could the government help prevent debt problems and support such people.
In some cases, the cause of poverty is not the lack of money-making opportunities, but rather the lack of money management skills that cause people to either use them all or lose them just as quickly, opening the doors to debt problems and other financial issues. It is the government’s duty to ensure the well-being of its citizens and support them. Therefore, it is important to consider how the government can help with this problem.
7
band
These days people in some countries are living in a “throwaway” society which means people use things in a short time then throw them away. What do you think is the cause and what problem will it lead to?
Nowadays, people who live in economically well-off countries do not appreciate the value of things they possess, trying to get rid of them even after a single usage. I personally uphold the view that the immense financial capabilities of certain countries furnish an easier and more comfortable life for their people, eventually leading them to be spoiled and lose value.

Violence and crime have increased in most major cities of the world. Some people say this is because children now play violent video games online. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

A young person will start work at your office next month to gain work experience. Write a letter to him/her. In your letter •inform him/her about the work that needs to be done at the office; •explain what he/she is supposed to do on the first day; •suggest what he/she should bring to work.

Society now has the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world, due to the improvement of automation. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people find it difficult to manage their money. How could the government help prevent debt problems and support such people.

These days people in some countries are living in a “throwaway” society which means people use things in a short time then throw them away. What do you think is the cause and what problem will it lead to?