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Band 2.5

In some countries, older people are encouraged to work longer and avoid retirement. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your opinion.

#countries #people #work #retirement
Elder
people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
choiced
Correct your spelling
chosen
 to work in
office
Add an article
an office
the office
show examples
 and do not want to
left
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
 their jobs
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 more longer
time
. Generally, it can give benefits and drawbacks for
industry
Correct article usage
the industry
show examples
 and
theirself
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
. In my opinion,
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 above 60 years old must be at home and spend more
time
to relax
Change the verb form
relaxing
show examples
. Looking into more detail, there are three advantages why
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
people
 should have more
time
 at the office.
First,
they have more qualifications and
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to do their job. To explain the qualifications
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can be seen if they have
problem
Add an article
a problem
show examples
. They can solve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problems
quickly
Correct quantifier usage
more quickly
show examples
 than younger
people
 because they have more experience
to resolve
Change preposition
in resolving
show examples
 some
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
. They have many
situation
Change to a plural noun
situations
show examples
 that they
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 passed. It can
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
make them more professional than others.
Another benefits
Replace the adjective
Another benefit
Other benefits
show examples
, they have more
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to do their work because of
mature
Replace the word
the maturity
show examples
 of their ages. They can think more
positive
Change the word
positively
show examples
 and
calm
Change the word
calmly
show examples
,
also
 they have control
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
emotional
Replace the word
emotions
show examples
.
Despite
Correct pronoun usage
Despite this
show examples
, they have
benefitsm
Correct your spelling
benefits
 they
also
 have
disadvatages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
. Their physics are different if we compare
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 productive
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
.
For example
, their energy adv - more
profesional
Correct your spelling
professional
 - spent more
time
 - there are some
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why elder
people
 must quit
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their job. First, - do not have more energy - more
profesional
Correct your spelling
professional
 can make negative - big salary
Submitted by sastyoke on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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