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Band 4

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge pr experience. Write at least 250 words.

#countries #people #population #governments #society #pr
Ageing
Add an article
The ageing
An ageing
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 population is a problem for other countries, but for
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other ones
show examples
one
Add a comma
,one
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 it brings
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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 to
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 elderly
people
. There are more advantages and
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
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 to
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 more elderly
people
to
Change preposition
in
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 society and
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
. There are several reasons to have
advantage
Add an article
the advantage
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 of having elderly
people
.
For instance
, they do not have useless. They live in comfort, they can do everything without demanding. So, today almost every
adults
Change to a singular noun
adult
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look
Correct subject-verb agreement
looks
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more
Change the word
apply
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younger than
that
Change preposition
in that
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 century. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they live
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their own life without carrying. So, mostly we don't have problems with carrying them. Elderly
people
 can give
advises
Replace the word
advice
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for
Change preposition
to
show examples
young
Add an article
the young
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 generation,
such
 as
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
. Because they have seen too
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 problems with society, like poverty and inequality of gender and other. So they can give
advise
Replace the word
advice
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 to not have
such
 problems and solve them, if we would have. So
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, if
government
Add an article
the government
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 listens them, what to do, perhaps
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 would be able to develop
fastly
Rephrase
fast
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.
Also
,
mostly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
many countries have
young
Correct article usage
a young
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 generation without parents,
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 any
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
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. In
this
 case, their grandparent
look
Change the verb form
looks
show examples
 after them and will their parents. It means that, if there are more adults, we would not have babies, who don't have family. It would be better to improve the quality of family and for children. In conclusion, there are more advantages of having
old
Fix the agreement mistake
an older
show examples
 generation in every country. So, they bring more benefits and
useful
Add a missing verb
are useful
show examples
 for society.
Submitted by ronadeclaro on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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