IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge pr experience.

#countries #people #population #governments #society #pr
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Ageing
Add an article
The ageing
An ageing
show examples
 population is a problem for other countries, but for
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other ones
show examples
one
Add a comma
,one
show examples
 it brings
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 to
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 elderly
people
Use synonyms
. There are more advantages and
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 to
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 more elderly
people
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society and
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
. There are several reasons to have
advantage
Add an article
the advantage
show examples
 of having elderly
people
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, they do not have useless. They live in comfort, they can do everything without demanding. So, today almost every
adults
Change to a singular noun
adult
show examples
look
Correct subject-verb agreement
looks
show examples
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
younger than
that
Change preposition
in that
show examples
 century. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they live
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their own life without carrying. So, mostly we don't have problems with carrying them. Elderly
people
Use synonyms
 can give
advises
Replace the word
advice
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
 generation,
such
Linking Words
 as
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
. Because they have seen too
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 problems with society, like poverty and inequality of gender and other. So they can give
advise
Replace the word
advice
show examples
 to not have
such
Linking Words
 problems and solve them, if we would have. So
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, if
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 listens them, what to do, perhaps
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 would be able to develop
fastly
Rephrase
fast
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
,
mostly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
many countries have
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 generation without parents,
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 any
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 case, their grandparent
look
Change the verb form
looks
show examples
 after them and will their parents. It means that, if there are more adults, we would not have babies, who don't have family. It would be better to improve the quality of family and for children. In conclusion, there are more advantages of having
old
Fix the agreement mistake
an older
show examples
 generation in every country. So, they bring more benefits and
useful
Add a missing verb
are useful
show examples
 for society.
Submitted by ronadeclaro on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: