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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Fewer young people play sports these days. Why is this? What can be done to encourage more young people to do sports?

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Nowadays, globally, it has been noticed that a large amount of migration is happening from the villages to the big towns. People are moving in search of a better and the sustainable life for their families. If we look at the bigger picture,
this
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 does not look like very constructive development because the
cities
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 are getting crowded day by day
due to
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such
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 uncontrolled movements
whereas
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 the rural areas are struggling through a shortage of labour for their daily tasks. On the one hand,
due to
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 a sudden rise in the
population
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 in urban areas, the
world
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 is facing an issue of huge
population
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 density in certain places.
Consequently
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, the surrounding is getting the worst in terms of traffic, pollution, and noise.
Moreover
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, suburbs of the
cities
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 are being impacted for constructing the new homes and roads in every corner of the
world
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.
As a result
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, shortages of resources like water and electricity are rising in the metropolis areas. Bangalore, a city from south India,
for instance
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, is now among the top 5 crowded
cities
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 of the
world
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 because of the migration from the rural
population
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.
On the other hand
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, villages are facing inadequate workforce issues
due to
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 the fact mentioned above.
Although
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 many developing countries still depend upon rural farming as their vital source of earning, their governments seem reluctant towards improving the progressive balance between the urban
regions
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 and the countryside
regions
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.
Therefore
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, the quality of farm products from these
regions
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 is decreasing slowly. The Times article from Dec 2022,
for example
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, has deduced that there will be a large impact on the quantity and quality of food that the
world
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 eats in the next decade if villagers keep moving out from their native places.
To conclude
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, mankind needs progress at every stage of their life, and to accomplish
this
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 they are moving away from their lands. A large part of society moves towards the metropolis
regions
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 in
such
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 cases. Now,
due to
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 many people's migration, the
cities
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 are facing many issues related to
population
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 and the villages are facing issues with their quality of output.

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Task Response
The essay adequately addresses the task and presents a clear position on the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is some use of cohesive devices, but the essay could benefit from a more organized structure and clearer paragraph development.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a varied use of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement in the precision and appropriateness of word choices.
Grammatical Range
While the essay shows a generally accurate use of grammar, there are instances of errors in sentence structure and complex forms.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • engagement
  • incentives
  • obesity
  • recreation
  • well-being
  • peer pressure
  • physical fitness
  • endurance
  • balance
  • teamwork
  • coordination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • discipline
  • facilities
  • accessible
  • affordable
  • curriculum
  • extracurricular
  • inclusion
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