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Band 4.5

More and more animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

#animals #verge #extinction #list
A growing number of
animals
 are close to disappearing forever,
while
 other species are on the endangered list. The main reason for
this
 is that a lot of
poachers
 doing illegal trade and protecting areas is a viable solution. The major cause is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
some individuals accurately
poachers
 doing illegal business ,
therefore
, they have been hunted to the
animals
 and it
leaded
Correct your spelling
led
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 to extinction.
Poachers
 have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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earned a lot of money from hunting
animals
,
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
show examples
 they
selling
Wrong verb form
sell
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 expensive parts of
animals
,
such
 as
,
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apply
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 fur and skin.
Therefore
, they use
this materials
Change the determiner
this material
these materials
show examples
 for clothes and
selling
Wrong verb form
sell
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 them for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
hight
Correct your spelling
high
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 price.
This
 is because
authority
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authorities
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do not do nothing
Rewrite the sentence
do not do anything
do nothing
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 to protect
animals
 from
poachers
 ,
however
,
poachers
harming
Wrong verb form
harm
show examples
 not only
for
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apply
show examples
animals
,
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apply
show examples
 but for environment too. A primary example of
this
 after catching of
animals
poachers
 leave the trash and impact to the extinction. The most practical solution to
this
 is that, to protect locations where
animals
 still living. Government should fund into
sphere
Add an article
the sphere
show examples
 of
animals
 and build areas which might be useful for
animals
,
moreover
,
authority
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the authority
show examples
 should use
modern-technology
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modern technology
show examples
,
such
 as
,
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apply
show examples
 cameras,
monitor
Correct word choice
and monitor
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 tracking which
migh
Correct your spelling
might
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
identify illegal activities.
Furthermore
, they should involve local communities by providing benefits for
protection
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the protection
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 of
wild-life
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wildlife
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,
moreover
, teachers in school should recall about importance of
wild-life
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wildlife
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 and
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
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 impacts of poaching and how it can
be affected
Wrong verb form
affect
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to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the economy.
For instance
, if people do not take action ,
poachers
 can reduce
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 population of rare
animals
, which can result in global issues. In conclusion, to prevent
extinction
Add an article
the extinction
show examples
 of
animals
 people
also
 government should not give
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
poachers
,
therefore
, they need to convict
poachers
 who break the rules of authority.
Submitted by dimash171206 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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