Although families have powerful influence on children, the influence that comes from outside the family plays a bigger part in children’s development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the present day, some people believe that family members have a powerful impact on their offspring.

However

Linking Words

, other folks think that several

sways

Check wording

factors

show examples

have a strong effect on

children

Use synonyms

development

Use synonyms

from outside their family society. In my opinion, I partially agree with the given statement

and

Punctuation problem

, and

show examples

I will elaborate on it in

this

Linking Words

essay. On the one hand, plenty of heirs grow up in their own homes and they see their

parents

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and siblings, who can learn social skills and how to communicate with each other.

Moreover

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, if

parents

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want their

children

Use synonyms

to study better, they must set an example so

Use synonyms

children

Correct word choice

that children

show examples

can learn how to study better.

For example

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, some guardians aggressively act toward

children

Use synonyms

that kids affect their

parents

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, and

as a result

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, when they grow up high likelihood of being a criminal.

Furthermore

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, if their father or mother is an alcoholic, they do not care about their

scion

Check wording

children

show examples

and the kids lose an opportunity to learn about family love.

On the other hand

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, youngsters always go to

school

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and

meet

Verb problem

make

show examples

many friends in their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

numerous

Fix capitalization

Numerous

show examples

children

Use synonyms

spend time in

school

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and play with their mates

which

Punctuation problem

, which

show examples

leads to

Use synonyms

development

Correct article usage

the development

show examples

their

Change preposition

of their

show examples

social skills.

Moreover

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, in

school

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, there are a lot of subjects

Punctuation problem

, so

show examples

juveniles can do many different things that lead to finding opportunities.

For instance

Linking Words

Fix capitalization

show examples

South Korea, a boy who goes to

school

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and

participate

Correct subject-verb agreement

participates

show examples

in music class and

love

Correct subject-verb agreement

loves

show examples

instrument

Fix the agreement mistake

instruments

show examples

, especially violins. So, the music teacher finds out about his talent and tells the boy's

parents

Use synonyms

Punctuation problem

, they

show examples

they

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

decide to send him to music

school

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Therefore

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

development

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not

Verb problem

is not

show examples

only

just

Rephrase

apply

show examples

from their family but

also

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from outside. In conclusion, I partially agree with

this

Linking Words

statement

and

Punctuation problem

, and

show examples

there are many methods influenced by families and the

outsides

Fix the agreement mistake

outside

show examples

Conversely

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, pros and cons

also

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exist.

Hence

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, we should teach kids to right way and that will be a good thing for their future

development

Use synonyms

livewire53

Aug 29, 2023

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task achievement

Make sure your ideas are clear and well-developed. Try to give more detailed examples to support your points.

coherence and cohesion

Use linking words to connect your ideas better and make the essay flow smoothly. This will help the reader follow your argument.

task achievement

You presented a clear opinion on the topic and gave reasons for your view.

task achievement

You included examples to support your ideas, which is very important in IELTS essays.

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

318 words

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Although families have powerful influence on children, the influence that comes from outside the family plays a bigger part in children’s development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that schools should prioritize teaching students’ practical skills for the workplace, while others believe that schools should focus on academic subjects such as science and math. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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