IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think technology makes life complex, so we should make life simpler without using technology. Do you agree or disagree?

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In recent centuries, the development of machinery has brought a lot of benefits for us. Some people think that machinery is very significant.
While
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 some argue it has been plenty of negative for humans. In my opinion, I only can agree partly with the issues and
this
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 essay will explore more about the above problems.
First,
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we will discuss the negative. There are so many reasons to talk about what affects people when we use them. Standing in the person’s perspective who witnessed tragedies when their offspring got game addicted person, which leads to plenty of problems about the development of children.
In addition
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, they can’t control their behaviours, and cause some crimes in society if they do not receive care from adults.
For instance
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, a multitude of adults do not spend time with their children which leads to addiction syndromes in their offspring, and they are bad people and aren’t helpful to the community.
On the other hand
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, we will talk about the positives when we depend on it. Standing in the person’s perspective who knows how to use technology the right way. In fact, a lot of parenthoods who allow their offspring to research information on the Internet but they have a control so strict with their offspring.
This
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 can be seen, in a multitude of children who have studying progress compared with their friends when they use machinery the right way.
For example
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, when researching information at school, o lot of parents accept their offspring using technology sever for studying, which makes them progress more and more. In conclusion, using technology is positive or negative it depend on the perspective of each individual.
Although
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 it has some negative but
besides
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 it has so good. We can make the right choices when deciding to dêpnd on it . That goes hand in hand, with the government should have sustainable, suitable policies that have the purpose of creating a society better and better.

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task response
The essay response is mostly unclear and lacks development. The ideas are not well-supported and the examples provided are not fully relevant to the topic. More thorough analysis and relevant examples are needed.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure. The introduction and conclusion are present, but the essay lacks a coherent flow of ideas. The use of transitions and organization of paragraphs could be improved for better coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
The lexical resource is limited, and there is a lack of appropriate vocabulary and precise use of words. The essay would benefit from a wider range of vocabulary and better word choice to express ideas more effectively.
grammatical range
The essay shows a limited range of grammar structures and frequent errors. There are concerns with sentence structure, tense usage, and agreement. More complex and varied sentence structures are needed for better grammatical range.
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