IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, there is a heavy debate about the
information
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 being asked by the interviewer to an interviewee.
Information
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such
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 as hobbies,
interests
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 and
as well as
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 their marital status is often regarded as relevant and resourceful,
while
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 others disagree. The two sides of
this
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 argument will be thoroughly analysed and discussed in
this
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 essay before drawing a reasoned conclusion.
Firstly
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, gathering
this
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 much
information
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 can help employers understand the personality of the applicant.
For instance
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, by knowing the
interests
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 and hobbies one can get a clear idea of the person will fit in the company and whether is a team player or not. Often it is seen that different people have different personalities, some prefer to work in the same culture
while
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 others don't. So
this
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information
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 can be more relevant and useful when it comes to hiring people.
Nevertheless
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, asking about personal
interests
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 could lead to privacy concerns.
For example
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, when applicants are asked about their leisure activities and whether they are married or single makes them uncomfortable as it is their private life.
This
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 discomfort could potentially impact the applicant's perception of the
overall
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 interview.
Moreover
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, focusing too much on the personal
interests
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 of the interviewee by the interviewer rather than focusing on relevant skills might distract from knowing if the candidate is a right fit or not.
To sum up
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, collecting personal
information
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 about the candidate in the hiring process can be helpful in view of knowing the nature of that person,
however
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, it may have a negative impact on that person as well. It is strongly disagree that asking for personal details is irrelevant in the interview.

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task achievement
Enhance the introduction by clearly stating both views and your opinion at the end to guide readers.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate points. Examples make your arguments stronger and more relatable.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has smooth transitions between points and paragraphs to improve coherence and flow.
coherence cohesion
Revise the conclusion to restate your opinion clearly and summarize the key points discussed. This will leave a stronger impression.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying sentence structures to avoid repetition and maintain reader interest.
task achievement
The essay discusses both sides of the argument, which is essential for answering the prompt thoroughly.
task achievement
Good organization of points related to the pros and cons of asking personal information during interviews.
coherence cohesion
Clear division of paragraphs to discuss multiple perspectives on the subject.
coherence cohesion
Effective use of transitional phrases such as 'firstly' and 'nevertheless' to guide the reader through the arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • job application
  • personal information
  • hobbies and interests
  • marital status
  • relevant
  • useful
  • privacy
  • assessing candidates
  • qualifications
  • experience
What to do next:
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