IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is believed by some individuals that
kids
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 have more than enough spare
time
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 can be devoted to completing extra school assignments.
However
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, I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement and believe that
this
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 leisure
time
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 is important for
children
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 which they can utilise to improve their not only social skills but
also
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 health. First of all, some people think that students have nothing to do after their school
hours
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 and
this
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 free
time
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 should be used wisely.
For example
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, learners can participate in optional evening classes to do more school work which can improve their grades.
Although
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 some
children
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 may not like to attend these classes
instead
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 of playing games with their friends, some thinkers opine that
this
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 devotion of leisure
time
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 to additional study could improve their general knowledge
as well as
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 career growth.
However
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, I do not agree with the above opinion about
kids
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 studying extra during free
hours
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. No doubt,
this
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 can help the students to improve their marks but there are far more imperative activities to do during these extra
hours
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.
For instance
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,
while
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 playing outdoor games,
children
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 can not only build their social skills by talking with their friends but
also
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 can improve their physical strength which will help them to have an active body
along with
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 a healthy mindset.
In addition
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,
Kids
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 can devote free
time
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 to spend with their family members which will strengthen their relationship, especially with their parents.
To conclude
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,
instead
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 of doing extra classes during leisure
hours
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,
this
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 free
time
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 for
kids
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 should be utilised for many other important daily tasks
such
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 as participating in sports, meeting friends, and spending
time
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 with family.
This
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 will help
children
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 to have an
overall
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 growth.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines your position and the main points you will discuss. Additionally, provide a stronger conclusion that summarizes your arguments.
task achievement
The essay could have addressed the prompt more comprehensively and with clearer ideas. Ensure that you fully address the topic and provide specific examples to support your arguments.
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