IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that Olympic games are exciting events that bring other nations together. Others say Olympics is a waste of maney and the money could be better spent on other things. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #olympic #games #events #nations #olympics #waste #maney #money
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whether countries should spend funds on
Olympics
Correct your spelling
Olympic
show examples
games
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for building
Change preposition
to build
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 international relationships or not is a controversial discussion topic.
This
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 writer argues that
Olympic
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games
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 are vital to the world
due to
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 their benefits in helping the world reduce bad competition,despite those who believe that it is a waste of money. some individuals think it is essential to open an exciting event like the
Olympic
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games
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 in order to bridge the gap between public relationships.
This
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 is because , in
this
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 modern day, there is more and more financial competition or military wars.
This
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 leads to encouragement to find a way to bring other nations together and build a friendly collaboration in finance and policy.
Thus
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, the
Olympic
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games
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 are important these days
due to
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 their cooperation.
However
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, lots of people discuss that events like
Use synonyms
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
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games
Use synonyms
 are not worthwhile and money should be spent on other investments.
In other words
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, residents think that sports events are not as crucial as other fields like medicine, science and industry and they disagree with the government spending too much on the
Olympic
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games
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.
As a consequence
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,
Olympic
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games
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 may be abundant in those countries which have a lot of objectors. From
this
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 author's perspective,
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Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
games
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 are not only worthy to be celebrated but
also
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 benefit all nations.
Although
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 it required lots of money and time to open the
Olympic
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games
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, its benefits outweigh the shortcomings. It helps improve the financial problems in the chosen country by increasing the number of tourists and fame, another considerable point is that peace may be possible if countries' relationships are enhanced after the events. In conclusion, the
Olympic
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games
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 are still a controversial topic whether is it worth celebrating.
This
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 author's opinion is Olympics are indispensable
due to
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 their benefits to nations.
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task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced discussion on the topic with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, aim to provide more specific examples to support your points further. This will strengthen your arguments and provide clearer evidence of your claims.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure, but some sentences could be made clearer by using varied sentence structures and transitions. Try to ensure that each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next for an even smoother read.
task achievement
You provide a clear introduction outlining both perspectives, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion and the discussion.
task achievement
Your points are generally well-supported, but incorporating more specific examples would make them even more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow and maintains coherence throughout. The use of transition words helps connect your ideas effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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