IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that one sould plan detailed activities for their leisure time, while others disagree with this view. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #sould #plan #activities #leisure #time
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It is considered by many that there should be a structured layout of how free
time
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 can be spent,
while
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 others say that it should be unorganised.
While
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 the tasks done in free
time
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 can lead to passion, I believe that an individual should enjoy the duration without thinking much about it. On the one hand, work done in a free hour can turn into a passion.
In addition
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, a systematic approach can lead to passion towards a successful career
as well as
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 holistic development of a person.
For example
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, many household women in Nepal, who engaged themselves in various activities like gardening and knitting, have successfully established YouTube channels with a sufficient number of subscribers.
Moreover
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, have become entrepreneurs.
Therefore
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, utilisation of
leisure
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time
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 can play a significant role in uplifting the standard of living.
On the other hand
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, the working population are often stressed by the amount of work pressure.
This
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 requires them to have some personal moments to rejuvenate and calm their mind and soul.
As a result
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, the individual might prefer watching TV or earning memories with family members. A recent survey on a social media platform, suggests that the majority of people prefer watching Netflix in their
leisure
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time
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.
Hence
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, it is important to feel fresh by taking some breaks in our own way after an immense load of work. In conclusion,
leisure
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time
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 is meant to refresh a person.
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
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 the idea of having a methodical plan for
leisure
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 activities is not necessary.
Although
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 a structured layout of tasks to achieve in free
time
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 contributes toward personal growth, in my opinion, a person deserves to spend the point in their own desired manner
Submitted by joginderkour524 on

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task response
Your essay addresses the task prompt by presenting arguments for both structured and unstructured leisure time activities and providing a personal opinion. However, ensure that you fully develop each argument and provide balanced analysis.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion. Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, and the essay flows logically. To improve further, make sure your supporting points are clearly linked to your main argument and consider using more transitional phrases for smoother transitions between ideas.
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