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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that one sould plan detailed activities for their leisure time, while others disagree with this view. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

It is considered by many that there should be a structured layout of how free
time
Use synonyms
 can be spent,
while
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 others say that it should be unorganised.
While
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 the tasks done in free
time
Use synonyms
 can lead to passion, I believe that an individual should enjoy the duration without thinking much about it. On the one hand, work done in a free hour can turn into a passion.
In addition
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, a systematic approach can lead to passion towards a successful career
as well as
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holistic
Correct article usage
the holistic
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 development of a person.
For example
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, many household women in Nepal, who engaged themselves in various activities like gardening and knitting, have successfully established YouTube channels with a sufficient number of subscribers.
Moreover
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, have become entrepreneurs.
Therefore
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, utilisation of
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 can play a significant role in uplifting the standard of living.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the working population are often stressed by the amount of work pressure.
This
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 requires them to have some personal moments to rejuvenate and calm their mind and
soul
Fix the agreement mistake
souls
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.
As a result
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, the individual might prefer watching TV or
earning
Verb problem
making
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 memories with family members. A recent survey on a social media platform
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 suggests that the majority of people prefer watching Netflix in their
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
.
Hence
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, it is important to feel fresh by taking some breaks in our own way after an immense load of work. In conclusion,
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 is meant to refresh a person.
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the idea of having a methodical plan for
leisure
Use synonyms
 activities is not necessary.
Although
Linking Words
 a structured layout of tasks to achieve in free
time
Use synonyms
 contributes toward personal growth, in my opinion, a person deserves to spend the
point
Check wording
time
show examples
 in their own desired manner

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planning
Plan two clear views. Put each view in its own part with a simple reason.
development
Add a clear link between each idea and life, so ideas feel tied to real life.
language
Fix grammar errors and clean the sentence parts. Use subjects in every sentence.
style
Use short, clean lines and many full stops to make the piece easier to read.
structure
The essay tries to talk about both sides of the issue.
content
There is a clear idea of what leisure can do for life.
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