IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

there is a great increase in antisocial personal behavior such as committing a crime. What are the causes of this? who should be responsible for this problem?

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Indeed, antisocial personal
behavior
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as committing a crime increases significantly these days.
This
Linking Words
 is because there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
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of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 family values and trends of individual culture. As antisocial
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 is a serious problem, the government should have a responsibility for
this
Linking Words
 concern. The main cause of the increase
of
Change preposition
in
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 antisocial
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 is a decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 family spirit today. An individual culture is spread out because of the development of technology
such
Linking Words
 as computers or mobile phones.
Moreover
Linking Words
, achievement and freedom of one's life
is
Change the verb form
are
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 regarded to be more important than a devotion to the family in the past. Actually, in Korea, as the number of double-income couples goes up gradually after
1990's
Correct article usage
the 1990's
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, many parents have more time in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
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 than
in
Change preposition
at
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 home.
Due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of paying attention to their children, many children go through
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of emotional attachment
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their parents. It brings about
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 in their mental health and leads to antisocial personal
behavior
Use synonyms
. The government is responsible for
this
Linking Words
 problem because they could not prevent
this
Linking Words
 issue
due to
Linking Words
 poor social
secure
Replace the word
security
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 systems. In spite of individual culture today, the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
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 should
give
Verb problem
make
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effort
Correct article usage
an effort
show examples
 to vitalize social trust in each other,
such
Linking Words
 as
making
Verb problem
doing
show examples
 many village activities, volunteering work and counselling services for mental illness. Without these steps to be taken, modern society people tend to be lonely and lack communication. These phenomena can cause many antisocial
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 antisocial personal problems are serious
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days. The authority has a responsibility for
this
Linking Words
 because
this
Linking Words
 issue could be resolved by policies to reinforce the social secure system for social trust.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social inequality
  • frustration
  • antisocial behaviors
  • stable/unstable family environments
  • peer pressure
  • mental health issues
  • desensitize
  • glorify
  • quality education
  • drop-out rates
  • moral and ethical outlook
  • gang behavior
  • media influence
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