Some people think that is a government should be responsible for improving public health. Others, however, believe that everyone in the community should take part in this issue. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Health
Add an article
The health

The noun phrase Health sector seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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sector
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is a crucial situation that
need
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needs

The plural verb need does not appear to agree with the singular subject a crucial situation. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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to be focused on and improved. Some
people
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think that it is the
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government
Change noun form
government's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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duty to spend and improve
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

sector
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, whilst others think that all the individuals of the society need to
particepate
Correct your spelling
participate

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in making the
health
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

sector
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

better. I think that enhancing
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

section is a burden that falls on both
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government
Correct article usage
the government

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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and
memebers
Correct your spelling
members

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of society. It is the
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government
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government's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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onus to enhance the life of their
people
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at
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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many aspects whether it
include
Correct subject-verb agreement
includes

It seems that the verb include does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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; education, labour or
health
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
they
Capitalize word
They

The word they should be capitalized in this context.

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already collect taxes from the
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
that
Correct word choice
and that

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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money
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should be used to make medical services better and
avaliable
Correct your spelling
available

If you don’t want avaliable to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

.
For
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

example
Add a comma
,example

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase For example. Consider adding a comma.

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Canda
Correct your spelling
Canada

The word Canda doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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is one of the countries that
provides
Change the verb form
provide

The verb provides does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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free medical insurance for
their
Correct pronoun usage
its

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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own population,
Linking Words
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase however. Consider adding a comma.

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in
return
Add a comma
,return

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase however in return. Consider adding a comma.

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the
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

pays
Change the verb form
pay

The verb pays does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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a huge sum of
money
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for taxes.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, society members should
collabrate
Correct your spelling
collaborate

If you don’t want collabrate to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

to make the medical section enhanced. They already pay the taxes but
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is not enough. They ought to collect
money
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in
favor
Change the spelling
favour

The spelling of favor is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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of a certain organisation that will be
commited
Correct your spelling
committed

If you don’t want commited to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

to improving the medical state of the population.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Egypt has created a
nation wide
Correct your spelling
nationwide

The word nation wide seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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donation box dictated to
excelling
Wrong verb form
excel

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb excelling. Consider changing it.

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all
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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aspects of the living conditions in Egypt, any citizen can donate a certain amount of
money
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

box whether it is online or by a mobile phone message. In my opinion, it is a common duty for the
government
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and the
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to share in making the
health
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

sector
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

better.
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Capitalize word
This

The word this should be capitalized in this context.

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is because the
government
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

alone has a lot on
it's
Replace the word
its

It appears that the contraction it's should be a possessive pronoun instead. Consider changing it.

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shoulders whether it is education, free housing or maintaining the infrastructure.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, community
members
Change noun form
members'
member's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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role can't be underestimated.
As in
Change preposition
In

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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order to be an active member, you have to be
monetary
Change the adjective
monetarily

The adjective monetary is modifying involved instead of a noun or pronoun. Use an adverb to modify a verb, adjective, or other adverb.

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involved and donate to your community. In conclusion, it can be reiterated that developing the healthcare system can't be done by the
government
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

or the individuals alone. It has to be a collaborative work between them.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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