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Writing Samples
Band 5

Obesity is a major problem especially for children. What are the causes and the possible solutions.

#obesity #children
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Obesity is a major concern affecting numerous
children
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 today, given the significant rise in overweight individuals among them. There are several factors contributing to
this
Linking Words
 issue, and some potential solutions need to be considered to address its drawbacks. Obesity
ismust
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must
is must
 be hazardous to our
human’s
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human
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 health , especially for
children
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. that It may lead to several diseases, including heart-attack cases. In recent times,
children
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 have not controlled their
food
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 portions and consume so much
junk
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food
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 almost every day.
For instance
Linking Words
, they consume unhealthy
food
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 three times a day just because of its taste and fast servings. They were never concerned about the risk of
junk
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food
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
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 their health and of course their
body
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 shape.
Furthermore
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, if those foods are consumed frequently, it will increase our fats and make our
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body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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 unhealthy because it can block our blood circulation and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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may lead to heart-attack diseases. Actually,
this
Linking Words
 issue can be prevented by their
parents
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 and government actions.
Parents
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 play a big role in controlling their
children
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for
Change preposition
in
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 choosing their
food
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 and
also
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 prevent them from eating
junk
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food
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 frequently.
In addition
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,
children
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 must be encouraged by their
parents
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 to do regular exercise every day for burning their fats,
calories
Correct word choice
and calories
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while
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also
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 maintaining their
body
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 fit.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the government must take action for these overweight issues.
For instance
Linking Words
, making some restrictions or laws to all overweight
children
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 in their region for consuming
junk
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food
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, and
also
Linking Words
 give them knowledge about the importance of maintaining our
body
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 health. In conclusion, Obesity is one of the problems that must be
concerned
Verb problem
considered
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 and solved together. Not only
parents
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 who take
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
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for
Change preposition
in
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this
Linking Words
 case, but
also
Linking Words
 the government should take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part in these cases. So, the point is that we must keep our
body
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 fit and maintain our
body
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 shape well just as for our goals to be a healthy person.
Submitted by rizalestari on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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