IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that people moving to a new country should accept the new culture of the foreign country. Others think that they should live as a separate minority group with a different lifestyle. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #country #culture #minority #group #lifestyle
Many individuals believe that
emigrate
Wrong verb form
emigrating
show examples
 to
other
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
country
 should interact with them
while
 some
people
 should
may
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
stay within their own groups. I agree with living
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the new culture,
this
 essay will discuss both aspects and give my own view. On the one hand, when we move to a new
country
 everything with you will be very strange and difficult.
Therefore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication is going to be a strength
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
yourself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. If we interact, we can gain more knowledge about that
country
 and
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 there.
Moreover
, we can have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to study
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 language and make more
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 to get on with
people
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there.
On the other hand
, living
separated
Replace the word
separately
show examples
 you may feel comfortable among your own
people
. Do not have to take time to spend on
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 language.
Furthermore
, the discrimination will be less to avoid.
For example
,
the discriminal action
Replace the word
discriminalization
show examples
 is still a problem when other
people
 move to a
country
. Because of
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 we can prevent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
discrimination if we live
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
own
Correct pronoun usage
our own
show examples
.
However
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
country
 and
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
show examples
 your own group can make
you
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 hard to live in their
country
. If we communicate and accept
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 culture of them, we can learn more
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 get more job
opporturnities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
. The emigrant to
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
country
is make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 you develop and gain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success in life. Do not keep your own and
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 the chance
changing
Change the verb form
to change
show examples
 yourself. In conclusion,
integrate
Wrong verb form
integrating
show examples
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the culture is the better way to live in
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
country
. Get more chances to improve yourself, do not keep your own group.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • assimilate
  • social cohesion
  • integration
  • navigating the job market
  • cultural preservation
  • sense of belonging
  • heritage
  • multiculturalism
  • cultural landscape
  • support network
  • transition
  • multicultural society
  • mutual respect
  • cultural identity
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!