IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that competition at work at school and in daily life is a good thing.Other believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.Discuss both view and gives your own opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Several
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
competition
Use synonyms
 with each other at school is better for developing
people
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others think that
cooperation
Use synonyms
 is the top priority. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will try to explain both sides and my opinion that two of them are important. On the one hand, several things are being done with competing.
Students
Use synonyms
 should be aware of
this
Linking Words
 issue, and one thing they can do is become the first in rank. It has several positive sides. First of all, competing can increase
people
Use synonyms
's awareness of dangers. Not all of our task is done by cooperating with others.
Instead
Linking Words
, we should be aware of dangerous things that will happen and with
competition
Use synonyms
,
students
Use synonyms
 can decide what they should do in the future.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
competition
Use synonyms
 can develop several skills and sometimes teach
students
Use synonyms
 about the limitations, which sometimes are the reason why
people
Use synonyms
 lose in a
competition
Use synonyms
. By knowing their negative sides,
people
Use synonyms
 can ensure their limitedness to seeking other options.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
cooperation
Use synonyms
 is an important factor in creating better outputs.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 can adapt to various situations. Sometimes, we can't control which
people
Use synonyms
 are being partners in a team. By increasing
cooperation
Use synonyms
 skills, teamwork can easily be tackled and solve their problems or tasks. We can give an example of group tasks, where the teacher sometimes chooses the formation.
Students
Use synonyms
 should be an adaptive person which can work with numerous types of
people
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, with
cooperation
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 can develop their leadership. From leading
such
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
, many
people
Use synonyms
 will believe in the leader because his experience is proven to lead a team.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is better to get the
competition
Use synonyms
 since young. As a human, we should get the cooperative skills to work with others. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would say that 2 of them are important to develop us in the future

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Consider restructuring your essay to enhance the logical flow between your ideas and paragraphs. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea that supports your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure to link your points more effectively. Using transition words and phrases can help the reader understand the progression of your argument more clearly.
task achievement
Include more specific examples that illustrate your points. This would strengthen your argument and make your ideas more relatable to the reader.
task achievement
Revisit your conclusion to summarize key points more clearly and reinforce your opinion effectively. A well-rounded conclusion can leave a lasting impression on the reader.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument fairly, which is essential in a discussion essay.
task achievement
You demonstrate a good understanding of the importance of both competition and cooperation in developing skills.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: