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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people nowadays tend to marry and have children in their thirtiesrather than at younger age. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #children #thirtiesrather #age #development
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Nowadays, more
people
Use synonyms
 tend to start a family and be
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 in their
thirties
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon is debatable whether positive or negative development on
overall
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 society. In my opinion,
this
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 is a largely positive development for two reasons. The first reason is about financial issues,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 second one is related to
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 and understanding of family.
Firstly
Linking Words
, marrying and having children in
Use synonyms
thirties
Correct pronoun usage
their thirties
show examples
 is
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for
people
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 financial reasons.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
 the age of
twenties
Use synonyms
 most
people
Use synonyms
 start
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their careers and at the
beginnings
Fix the agreement mistake
beginning
show examples
 they hardy earn
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 amount of money, because of lack of experience and skills.
Consequently
Linking Words
, their salary could be
insuffucient
Correct your spelling
insufficient
for keeping
Change preposition
to keep
show examples
 themselves and their family safe and comfortable.
Additionally
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, in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 early
careers
Add a comma
,careers
show examples
people
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 focus on their professional life and dedicate most of their time and effort toward business goals.
As a result
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, they do not have enough time to afford
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
family matters and for their children.
According to
Linking Words
 the research of
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 Agency, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
divorced families in the United States
Which
Correct pronoun usage
Who
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 are in their
twenties
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 are divorced
for
Change preposition
because of
show examples
 financial problems and difficulties. Another reason why
this
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 is
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 tendency is that
people
Use synonyms
 become more mature and understand the meaning of family in their
thirties
Use synonyms
 than in their
twenties
Use synonyms
. At
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
younger ages,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to be more unrealistic and
dreamer
Fix the agreement mistake
dreamers
show examples
 because lack of experience.
Moreover
Linking Words
, to marry, build a strong family and raise children are things that
difficult
Add a missing verb
are difficult
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 to handle and manage. When they reach to
thirties
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 and
be
Verb problem
become
show examples
 more aware of life around them, they will start to possess certain
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
 and qualities to build a family and be
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
. They will realize
responsibility
Add an article
the responsibility
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 of their household. There is a
reseach
Correct your spelling
research
 conducted by an independent survey company. They interviewed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elderly
people
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 who
married
Add a missing verb
were married
show examples
 in their
twenties
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. Most of the
spouse
Fix the agreement mistake
spouses
show examples
 identified their
twenties
Use synonyms
Change preposition
as their
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their
Change the word
the
show examples
 most challenging times
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they did not know much about marriage and being a parent. In conclusion, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 the pattern of building a family in the
thirties
Use synonyms
 is
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
,
due to
Linking Words
 financial and career issues and lack of clear knowledge about family
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
.
Submitted by samid.mustafayev20 on

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