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Band 6

In some culture, children are being told that they can achieve anything if they work hard.What are advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#culture #children #work #message
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In some countries, it is believed by many
parents
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 that children will reach their goals and pursue their dreams only if they work hard enough.
This
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 essay will analyze that motivation is a huge upweigh,
while
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 feeling imperfection could lead to mental health issues.
Additionally
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, it has a major positive impact on the youngers by having
parents
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 that always give advice to motivate themselves into doing something big.
Furthermore
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, pupils will gain self-esteem and have more confidence in their lives. To illustrate, many Asian households often tell their children to study hard in order to have nice jobs with high-amount of salaries. Despite the advantages, the number of children with depression has increased unexpectedly. The reason behind
this
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 issue is that pupils try so hard to impress their families
that is
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 expect highly of their kids to be perfect.
For instance
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, 65% of the students in Cambodia failed their exams
due to
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 their strict
parents
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 which leads them to mental health conditions.
To sum up
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,
this
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 critique elucidates both the virtues and vices of the words from the
parents
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 toward their offspring. Despite the fact that pupils might be motivated and dream big, they could
also
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 struggle with the perfect standard their
parents
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 set.
Submitted by jann06012006 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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