IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, numerous
products
Use synonyms
 are full of
sugar
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, and
this
Linking Words
 can lead to health issues. Some
people
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 argue that by making these
products
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 less affordable
people
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 are discouraged from using more sugary goods. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. Putting extra charges on those
products
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 that are high in
sugar
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 can cut down their usage.
Firstly
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, the government can control
people
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’s behaviour by increasing fees.
In other words
Linking Words
, if a person cannot afford to purchase a merchandise, he will refuse to buy that, and
consequently
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, his
sugar
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 consumption will decrease.
Secondly
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, by making a product more expensive, its production process will be affected as well. When the demand for a product becomes lower, the producers will not be able to sell their goods.
As a result
Linking Words
, their business will be damaged, and they should cancel production in order to cut down the costs. To be more specific, the fewer companies produce sugary
products
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, the fewer
people
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 can use them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, making sugary
products
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 more expensive cannot control
people
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’s demand. When a product becomes a ubiquitous part of individuals’ lives, its cost will not have a great impact on its users.
For instance
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, those who are addicted to smoking cigarettes will continue to smoke even if its costs escalate. The same is true for those
products
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 which contain high levels of
sugar
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.
Furthermore
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, in some situations,
people
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 will simply look for substitutes despite the fact that the goods become more expensive. If
people
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 were forced to cut down their
sugar
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 usage by making it less affordable, they would look for something else to keep their habits of using
sugar
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. In conclusion,
while
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 many
people
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 believe that the behaviour of consumers can be controlled by making manufactured sugary foods more expensive, it cannot reach that goal in some situations.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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