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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the chart show the numer of inter national student from four contries that a european university had from 2004 to 2008.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feayures, and make comparisons where relevent

the chart show the numer of inter national student from four contries that a european university had from 2004 to 2008.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feayures, and make comparisons where relevent
#show #numer #student #four #contries #european #university #summarise #information #feayures #comparisons #relevent
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This
Linking Words
 chart
indicates
Verb problem
apply
show examples
gives information about how the number of
oversea
Fix the agreement mistake
overseas
show examples
 students applying for
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 European university
changes
Wrong verb form
changed
show examples
 in
China
Use synonyms
,
Japan
Use synonyms
,America and
Russia
Use synonyms
 between 2004 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
 it is clear to see that
Russia
Use synonyms
 had the least
applicants
Use synonyms
 during the whole period, and
expect
Verb problem
except for
show examples
 2008,
China
Use synonyms
 is the country that most
applicants
Use synonyms
come
Wrong verb form
came
show examples
 from. In more detail,
China
Use synonyms
 has a decline curve during the
half decade
Add a hyphen
half-decade
show examples
, In 2004, There
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 more than 250,000 people
applied
Correct pronoun usage
who applied
show examples
 from
China
Use synonyms
. In 2008 ,
however
Linking Words
, the numbers had dropped to 150,000
applicants
Use synonyms
. On the
oter
Correct your spelling
other
 side, we can get the information that the
Use synonyms
applicants
Correct quantifier usage
number of applicants
show examples
 from
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Russia
Use synonyms
were increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 yearly from 2004 to 2008,
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Japan
Use synonyms
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
doubled from 5000 to 10000 in
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 five years, which is an impressive figure.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least,
There
Fix capitalization
there
show examples
 are
also
Linking Words
 many
applicants
Use synonyms
 from America every year. The data point out that in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
five years, there are more than 800,000 people
apply
Wrong verb form
applying
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 European universities. In conclusion, the number of
applicants
Use synonyms
 from the four countries shows
different
Correct article usage
a different
show examples
 trend
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2004 to 2008,
For example
Linking Words
,
China
Use synonyms
 shows a downward trend but
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Russia
Use synonyms
indicates
Correct subject-verb agreement
indicate
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 upward tendency.
Submitted by steven057770 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words china, japan, russia, applicants with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "indicates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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