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Writing Samples
Band 7

The pie charts show the results of a survey conducted by a university on the opinions of full-time and part-time students about its services.

The pie charts show the results of a survey conducted by a university on the opinions of full-time and part-time students about its services.
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The pie charts illustrate the viewpoints of full-time and part-time
students
Use synonyms
 on university services
such
Linking Words
 as IT
support
Use synonyms
 and opening
hours
Use synonyms
. In general, it is evident that positive feedback regarding opening
hours
Use synonyms
 exceeded that of IT
support
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, full-time
students
Use synonyms
 exhibited more contentment with both services when compared to their part-time peers. Regarding IT
support
Use synonyms
, more than half of the full-time
students
Use synonyms
 surveyed stated that they were very content with
this
Linking Words
 service,
whereas
Linking Words
 only a fifth of part-time
students
Use synonyms
 reported feeling the same.
In contrast
Linking Words
, only 15% of the full-time
students
Use synonyms
 expressed dissatisfaction with IT
support
Use synonyms
, compared to 45% of part-time
students
Use synonyms
. The percentage of
students
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 in both groups who were moderately content with the service was approximately the same, at around
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
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. The opening
hours
Use synonyms
 were satisfactory for the majority of full-time and part-time
students
Use synonyms
, with 87% and 72% respectively expressing happiness. Merely 1% of the full-time
students
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 surveyed expressed dissatisfaction with the opening
hours
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the corresponding proportion for part-time
students
Use synonyms
 was slightly greater, at 5%.
However
Linking Words
, 12% of full-time
students
Use synonyms
 surveyed were content with the service,
in contrast
Linking Words
 to roughly 25% of part-time
students
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, support, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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