There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Students
nowadays are under increasing pressure to achieve academic success in order to get into a good university or secure a well paid
job. Add a hyphen
well-paid
For
this
reason
some people argue that schools need to focus on academic Add a comma
reason,
subjects
and non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
subjects
should therefore
not be taught. I would argue that while
academic skills
are important, schools need to teach a wide range of both academic and more skills
-based subjects
.
Firstly
, not only should school
be about teaching academic skills
but also
a wider range of life skills
so that students
can take an active part in society upon leaving school
. Practical subjects
can help to teach these skills
to students
. For example
, physical education teaches students
both how to work as part of a team and also
the importance of being healthy. Furthermore
, if cookery is taught then
students
will learn a great deal about health and nutrition.
Secondly
, academic subjects
are not equally important for all students
. There is the possibility of including more vocational non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
subjects
on the syllabus like woodwork, textile design and computing skills
. By studying these subjects
, students
will increase their employment prospects and be better placed to secure employment when leaving school
. It is important to remember that not all students
will continue to higher education and school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
needs
to enable these Correct subject-verb agreement
need
students
to find work.
Finally
, too much pressure should not be placed on students
. Taking part in non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
subjects
like art, music or drama gives students
the opportunity to be creative. This
could help them to manage stress levels and be more productive in other areas.
In conclusion
I would argue that Add a comma
conclusion,
although
academic subjects
are very important, this
should not be the sole focus of a school
syllabus. There are a number of benefits to teaching students
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
subjects
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by specific examples. Your essay touches on many good points but could benefit from more detailed examples to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on developing a clear introduction and conclusion. While your essay begins and ends on relevant notes, refining these paragraphs to more directly address the task and summarize your argument could enhance clarity and impact.
Coherence & Cohesion
Organize your essay with clear paragraphing, each centered around a single main point. You've made a good start, but ensuring that each paragraph is cohesively built around its main idea will strengthen your argument's flow and readability.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!