IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Many manufactured food and drinks contains high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Surgary products should be made more exspensive to encourage people to consume less sugar Do you agree or disagree?

Many manufactured food and drinks contains high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Surgary products should be made more exspensive to encourage people to consume less sugar Do you agree or disagree?
#food #drinks #levels #sugar #health #surgary #products #exspensive #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Generally speaking, elevating sugary
products
Use synonyms
' prices has caused an intensive debate over several years. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that charging a higher
price
Use synonyms
 for sweets and beverages could help
people
Use synonyms
 maintain a healthy lifestyle.
In contrast
Linking Words
, others argue that
this
Linking Words
 approach will not significantly impact communities. From my point of view, I strongly agree that raising the
price
Use synonyms
 of sugary items could motivate
people
Use synonyms
 to reduce their sweet food and drink consumption.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, increasing the cost of sugary foods can help
people
Use synonyms
 avoid non-communicable diseases.
This
Linking Words
 approach would help the community prevent obesity, mitigate heart attacks, and reduce diabetes problems.
For example
Linking Words
, charging twice the
price
Use synonyms
 of chocolate would make
people
Use synonyms
 reluctant to buy sweet snacks.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 would not automatically gain weight once they reduced chocolate
products
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, raising the sugar
price
Use synonyms
 could diminish chronic illness.
In addition
Linking Words
, raising the
price
Use synonyms
 of sugary
products
Use synonyms
 would encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to modify their diet options.
People
Use synonyms
 prefer to have many fruits, consume various vegetables, and drink plain water.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Waingapu, increasing sugary
products
Use synonyms
 encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to eat green leaves,
such
Linking Words
 as spinach and carrots.
This
Linking Words
 habit is effective in helping
people
Use synonyms
 substitute sweet consumption for nutritious foods.
Thus
Linking Words
, increasing sugary
products
Use synonyms
 encourages
people
Use synonyms
 to change their food menus.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 some see increasing the
price
Use synonyms
 of sugary
products
Use synonyms
 as insignificant, charging more for sweets would be essential to avoiding chronic diseases and modifying
people
Use synonyms
's diet options.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that escalating sugary item costs would be necessary in communities.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: