IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, it is illegal for employers to reject applying for a job because of his/her age. Discuss positive and negative. Give your opinion.

#countries #employers #job #age
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It is argued that, in some countries rejecting an applicant's resume by a
company
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 owner depending on his/her
age
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 is illegitimate. In my opinion, employers are not able to clarify an amateur's talents on their
age
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 without knowing their experience and knowledge. Having new employees without considering their
age
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 must impact to
company
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's growth and profit. Older individuals bring years of experience and knowledge to the
company
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 and employers
also
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 need
this
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 kind of mature
workers
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 to the success of the organization, because they have valuable ideas and solutions for
company
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 growth.
For example
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, most CEO and General Manager positions are held by the oldest
workers
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 of the
company
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, because other
workers
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 don't have the knowledge that he/she has. Prohibiting
age
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-based discrimination encourages the contribution to the success of the organization. On the other side, some
workers
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 might be haven't any preference to work beyond a certain
age
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 may impact to
company
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's
expenses
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 negatively. It is the employer's responsibility to provide medical facilities to older people who are working in their
company
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.
For example
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, nowadays most people above 45 years suffer from non-communicable diseases, and employers need to provide medical insurance facilities to claim their medical
expenses
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 as a
company
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 mandatory policy.
Age
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 discrimination laws could limit an employer's ability to consider retirement plans, medical insurance, and physical well-being in their hiring process.
To conclude
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, requiring the applicant's
age
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 in the hiring process is legitimate when considering about
company
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's
expenses
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, I believe that older
workers
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' experiences and solutions could bring more profit than above mentioned
expenses
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.
Submitted by lakshanichathuri896 on

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introduction conclusion present
Consider having a clear introductory paragraph that encapsulates the essay prompt before diving into the argument. Reiterate the prompt and provide a clear thesis statement.
logical structure
Ensure each body paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence, followed by explanation and example. Use cohesive devices effectively throughout.
supported main points
It's essential to delve deeper into each main point with thorough explanations and provide more detailed, relevant examples to strengthen the argument.
complete response
Address all parts of the task, ensuring to discuss both the positives and negatives, as well as clearly stating your own opinion consistently throughout the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Articulate your ideas clearly and develop them more comprehensively to allow the reader to fully understand your argument.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate more specific, real-life examples to illustrate your points and make your essay more persuasive and relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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