IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many individuals believe that businesses have social responsibilities, alongside earning
money
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.
However
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, I partly agree with
this
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 statement. Some people think that companies should only concentrate on making
money
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 rather than their social responsibilities for two main factors.
Firstly
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, if a factory considers the social effects of their products excessively, they will suffer from the hard-tight rules and standards, which prevent the
business
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 from progressing.
In other words
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, these corporations will be asked to be more cautious and not to take risks in order to gain more
money
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.
For example
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, if companies that work on AI were worried about people's personal security too much, they would not make
such
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 progress that they have made by now, as they have access to every detail of a person's life.
Secondly
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, caring about the social impacts of a
business
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 sometimes affects the income of a factory as well. After producing a product, it can bring about some side effects for consumers, and if the producer is responsible for paying compensation, their income will become lower, because they have to cover the damages made to the consumers.
On the other hand
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, businesses should be socially responsible for two major reasons. These traders are doing
business
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 in a country, and they are more powerful than ordinary people,
due to
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 the fact that they have more
money
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.
Thus
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, they must be responsible to the public. It is a global rule that those who earn more
money
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 in a
business
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 must take responsibility as well.
Moreover
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, in some cases, safety is more important than making progress. To exemplify, biotechnological goods are really dangerous and should be used and produced in a safe manner. These products can easily create health issues like those related to one's digestion.
As a result
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, their producers have to take care of
this
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 situation. In conclusion, even though companies are trading and making
money
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 by that, they should
also
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 consider social responsibilities for numerous reasons.

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task response
The essay partially addresses the prompt and provides relevant arguments both in favor of and against the idea of businesses having social responsibilities. However, the position taken is not entirely clear, and some points could be more fully developed.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a generally logical structure, but the introduction and conclusion could be more distinct. The body paragraphs lack clear topic sentences for each argument and could be more cohesive.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary and uses some appropriate collocations and expressions. However, some word choices are imprecise, and there is room for improvement in using academic vocabulary relevant to the topic.
grammatical range
There is a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are also grammatical errors and inaccuracies, such as verb tense inconsistencies and awkward phrasing. There is also a lack of variety in sentence structures.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social responsibilities
  • Corporate social responsibility
  • Ethical behavior
  • Societal impact
  • Stakeholders
  • Profit-driven
  • Public perception
  • Environmental sustainability
  • Community development
  • Human rights
  • Workplace safety
  • Altruism
  • Balanced approach
  • Accountability
  • Consumer loyalty
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