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Band 6

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #benefit
Some persons believe that making
retirement
 compulsory at 65 years is prejudicial,
therefore
,
retirement
age
 should be categorised per the nature of
work
. In my own ,opinion I agree that it should not be categorized by
age
, since some do heavy
work
while
 others do more relaxing
work
 and it does not have a negative impact on their health. We go on
retirement
 because we have worked and we deserver to rest. I don't understand why it should be set per
age
,
instead
 of not per the job we performed. Nowadays, societies
work
 longer hours than back in time;
hence
 it is vital to value to nature of the
work
 performed on a daily basis. I can give an example of folks who have a job in some industrial sector who are exposed to
toxics
Correct your spelling
toxins
show examples
.
Consequently
Add a comma
,Consequently
show examples
 they are the most exposed and their life span can go up to 65 years. They need an early
retirement
.
Moreover
, in the
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
category I should
also
 include persons who carry heavy things in their jobs. Another example of folks who can
work
 for 65 years are employees who do office
work
. Most of their time they spend sitting and have some free time to relax. As mentioned above employees who deserve an early
retirement
 are the ones with disabilities, those who are exposed to toxins,
also
 those who carry heavy things. In my conclusion, I can say that having a set
retirement
age
 is not a problem,
however
, that set should be categorized by the type of
work
 folks perform.
Submitted by tuclemy on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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