IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #benefit
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Some persons believe that making
retirement
Use synonyms
 compulsory at 65 years is prejudicial,
therefore
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,
retirement
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age
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 should be categorised per the nature of
work
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. In my own ,opinion I agree that it should not be categorized by
age
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, since some do heavy
work
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while
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 others do more relaxing
work
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 and it does not have a negative impact on their health. We go on
retirement
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 because we have worked and we deserver to rest. I don't understand why it should be set per
age
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,
instead
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 of not per the job we performed. Nowadays, societies
work
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 longer hours than back in time;
hence
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 it is vital to value to nature of the
work
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 performed on a daily basis. I can give an example of folks who have a job in some industrial sector who are exposed to
toxics
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toxins
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.
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Consequently
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,Consequently
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 they are the most exposed and their life span can go up to 65 years. They need an early
retirement
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.
Moreover
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, in the
,
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apply
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category I should
also
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 include persons who carry heavy things in their jobs. Another example of folks who can
work
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 for 65 years are employees who do office
work
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. Most of their time they spend sitting and have some free time to relax. As mentioned above employees who deserve an early
retirement
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 are the ones with disabilities, those who are exposed to toxins,
also
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 those who carry heavy things. In my conclusion, I can say that having a set
retirement
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age
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 is not a problem,
however
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, that set should be categorized by the type of
work
Use synonyms
 folks perform.
Submitted by tuclemy on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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