IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the chart below shows the number of visitors each month to two exhibitions namely an exhibition on Modern sculpture and one on 20th century ephemera over the last year.

the chart below shows the number of visitors each month to two exhibitions namely an exhibition on Modern sculpture and one on 20th century ephemera over the last year.
The chart depicts the
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 two different exhibitions during a month over the
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
. In the first month
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 exhibition on 20th-century Ephemera 40000s people
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
visited but the other display
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 more
visitors
Use synonyms
. (above 1000000s)
Moreover
Linking Words
, the modern sculpture performances audience has been
decrease
Change the verb form
decreasing
decreased
show examples
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 around 20000 and
also
Linking Words
 has stayed
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same amount till April .
Besides
Linking Words
, the display on 20th of century Ephemera
rise
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 slightly to 100000 in April. But, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
droped
Correct your spelling
dropped
 in May to approximately 45000.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in July the
number
Use synonyms
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased sharply to 160000 and
then
Linking Words
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
 to the end of the
year
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
While
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 The Modern
sculpture
Capitalize word
Sculpture
show examples
 performance has a huge amount of audience in May same as the
last
Linking Words
 two months of the
year
Use synonyms
. In between, it has
fluctuated
Correct article usage
a fluctuated
show examples
 pattern until November.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 is different over the
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the 20th-century Ephermera exhibition has the most
visitors
Use synonyms
 in the July and the first week of April.
While
Linking Words
, the Modern sculpture display has the most audience in May, November and December.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 means the second exhibition is more popular than the other one in the previous
year
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, visitors, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "display" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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