IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many places, shopping is the leisure time activity for young adults. Why is it so? Do you think it is a negative or a positive development?

It is often said that purchasing,nowadays, has turned out to be a recreational
occasion
Check wording
activity
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 for teenagers.
However
Linking Words
, some adults believe that
this
Linking Words
 behaviour is a good one and others
recognize
Change the spelling
recognise
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 it will kill
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
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time
Use synonyms
. I will argue both aspects and put my own points as follows.
To begin
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 with, youngsters can do mass positive activities other than just buying stuff in their spare
time
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, people can divide their precious
time
Use synonyms
 into different sections in order to meet their various needs and goals.
Hence
Linking Words
, not only
they
Correct word order
apply
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can
save
Correct word order
they save
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 huge amounts of money
but
Correct word order
apply
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,
they
Correct word order
but they
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 can
also
Linking Words
 improve other features of their life
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as doing some exercises, reading books, meeting their intimate families and relatives and so on.
In addition
Linking Words
, the fewer people going out shopping, the fewer vehicles in the market will help the air be
clear
Correct word choice
clearer
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.
On the other hand
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, many
people
Punctuation problem
people,
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 especially young
women
Punctuation problem
women,
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 will acquire a lot of good things by going shopping outside the house.
Also
Linking Words
, not only does the action of purchasing fulfil their mind and boost their confidence, but they can
also
Linking Words
 meet their close friends and have fun with them during the shopping. It has been shown psychologically that a massive
of
Check wording
number of
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 human beings are healing their emotionally ill behaviour just by being in outlet environments. To recapitulate, in many countries
shopping
Punctuation problem
, shopping
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 has become a vital phenomenon for a number of mature adults around the globe.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 my perspective, someone can do other important stuff than just spending his or her
time
Use synonyms
 shopping.

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content
State your view clearly in the first paragraph and again in the end. Keep one clear idea per paragraph.
structure
Make a simple plan for your essay. Start each paragraph with a short topic line and then add one idea with support.
coherence
Use simple links to move from one idea to the next, such as and, also, but, so. Check that ideas fit in the order.
examples
Give one or two clear, easy examples for each point. Avoid long lists or big talk.
grammar
Check spelling and grammar. Use common words only and fix mistakes in the sentence form.
content
The writer tries to show both sides of the topic.
structure
There is a plan with a few clear parts.
analysis
The end lines show a view from the writer.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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