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Band 5.5

Some people think that cultural traditions are destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed at tourists. Others believe that this is the only way to save such traditions in the world today. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #traditions #attractions #tourists #world
It is true that cultural
traditions
has
Change the verb form
have
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 become
one
 of
profit making
Add a hyphen
profit-making
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 type.
However
,
while
 some
people
 consider that trend
as
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apply
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detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
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 cultures, I do have an opinion that it is the only way that
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
save them. First of all, the main benefit of making different countries customs to the tourist attraction is money.
For instance
, Thailand, which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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used to be
one
 of the poorest countries previously,
nowadays
Rephrase
apply
show examples
has become
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 prosperous
one
. Thai
people
 combined their national
cousine
Correct your spelling
cuisine
,
traditions
 and clothes in order to make
profit
Correct article usage
a profit
show examples
 from backpackers.
Instead
 of
bordering
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borders
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, they create something like tours, where
people
 can try new food, discover the temples and get acknowledged with nature as well.
Due to
this
 action, a lot of
people
 adore
to spend
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spending
show examples
 their time in
this
 country and
explore
Wrong verb form
exploring
show examples
 a culture
that is
 new to them. Turning to the other side of the argument, it is obvious that sometimes a focus on money can be damaging to some
traditions
.
For example
, Japan, which has
unique
Add an article
a unique
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 culture, almost lost its
traditions
 after World War II. The profession of geisha,
one
 of the most prestigious occupations
during
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many
centeries
Correct your spelling
centuries
, had become the way of making money from that time.
Due to
this
, there are very few true geishas to be found nowadays. For the reasons mentioned above, I believe that the benefits of making cultural
traditions
 as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 way of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial gain
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not bad.
Instead
 of avoiding their usage in the commercial sphere, it would be a good idea if we try to use them in order to save.
Submitted by aida.ai2000 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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