IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Computers are becoming an essential part of education. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion.

#computers #part #education
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is undeniable that
computers
Use synonyms
 are becoming an integral part of the academic system.
While
Linking Words
 there are some visible drawbacks
such
Linking Words
 as how overuse the
computers
Use synonyms
 can affect our
eyesight
Use synonyms
 or induce pupils to cheat on their
homework
Use synonyms
, I believe that with supervised school,
this
Linking Words
 trend is positive in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, advanced computer technology can help pupils gain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
knowledge
easier
Rephrase
more easily
show examples
.
Compare
Wrong verb form
Compared
show examples
 with the past, they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
no longer need to search the information through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
paper. It
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 more time-saving and
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
 learners to absorb the knowledge in wider ranges by browsing the internet.
In addition
Linking Words
, using
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 as an educational measure can reduce the expenditure from the large amount of textbooks,
also
Linking Words
, protecting our environment
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 curtailing paper used. With
computers
Use synonyms
, there is no necessity to buy textbooks or any academic resources which are made
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 paper.
Consequently
Linking Words
, helping people to save money and creating an environmentally friendly world in
this
Linking Words
 process.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 technological development can potentially affect the youngster’s
eyesight
Use synonyms
 by using it inappropriately. If
computers
Use synonyms
 are
comprehensively
Change the word
comprehensive
show examples
instead
Linking Words
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 original resources,
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
implied
Wrong verb form
implies
show examples
 that
students
Use synonyms
 need to approach their electronic devices not only in school but
also
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
during
show examples
 their
homework
Use synonyms
 time.
As a result
Linking Words
, their
eyesight
Use synonyms
 will be weakened in
this
Linking Words
 process.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 might cause
students
Use synonyms
 to cheat on their
homework
Use synonyms
 as well. Pupils can simply click the
botton
Correct your spelling
button
 and get their required answer without thinking in their brain,
subsequently
Linking Words
 decreasing their quality of education. From my perspective,
although
Linking Words
 there are several demerits in
this
Linking Words
 measure, they are not insurmountable. If their teachers can educate how important to maintain their
eyesight
Use synonyms
 and the correct way of using
computers
Use synonyms
, it can significantly ensure
students
Use synonyms
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
approach it properly.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
preventing
Change the verb form
to prevent
show examples
 them from cheating on their
homework
Use synonyms
, faculty members can develop certain
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 to
urged
Wrong verb form
urge
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 from deceiving. Eventually,
making
Verb problem
apply
show examples
computers
Use synonyms
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 uncontroversial and acceptable
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our educational environment.
Submitted by s0210116 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: