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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is important to take risks both their professional lives and personal lives. Do you think advantages of taking risks out weight the disadvantages?

There is a controversial debate,
whether
Change preposition
about whether
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 accepting
challengers
Correct your spelling
challenges
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 in carriers and
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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 lives is, paramount. In my opinion benefits,
such
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 as
being received
Wrong verb form
receiving
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 job promotions and
developed
Correct article usage
a developed
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 personality can be seen, having said that,
being undergone
Wrong verb form
undergoing
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 punishments
as well as
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 loss of money are
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
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as
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apply
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drawbacks of being risk taking
person
Use synonyms
, and
this
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 essay will discuss profoundly to justify how the positive impact being superior the negative effects.
To begin
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 with, being
courageous
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the courageous
a courageous
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person
Use synonyms
 to do new things, leads to confronting new issues.
However
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,
this
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 situation would be rewarding to the
person
Use synonyms
, who
willing
Add a missing verb
is willing
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engage
Fix the infinitive
to engage
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 with experiments.
For example
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, people
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
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 inclined to gain new experience in
working
Correct article usage
a working
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 environment might be
advancement
Add an article
an advancement
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 to get higher positions if they succeed and being engaged
with
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in
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unfamilier
Correct your spelling
unfamiliar
 activities might
uplifted
Change the verb form
uplift
show examples
 their personality as pros of individual benefit.
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as
Capitalize word
As
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 a result,
this
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 concept would be
huge
Add an article
a huge
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 advantage for
public
Add an article
the public
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.
However
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,
although
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 taking
Correct article usage
a challenger
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challenger
Replace the word
challenge
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is
Verb problem
has
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 positive
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
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, there may be cons as well,
such
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 as being obligated
with
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to
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 activities
at
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for
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 the first time in the
work
Replace the word
workplace
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 place
end
Wrong verb form
ending
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 up with penalties
as
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apply
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. Namely, when someone had failed with
new
Correct article usage
a new
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 experiment at
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
his own
her own
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 office might have been
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
for
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to
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 punishment.
Moreover
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, if
Use synonyms
person
Add an article
the person
a person
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 was mistaken in his effort, would
left
Change the verb form
leave
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 more money as
disadvantage
Add an article
a disadvantage
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 in his personal life.
Hence
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,
this
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 phenomenon would be
comprising
Wrong verb form
comprised
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with
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of
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 threats of adverse effects as well.
To conclude
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,
although
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 there are negative consequences,
such
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 as being penalized and loss of money, there are
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of pros, which are influenced to
thee
Correct your spelling
the
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 entire life,
such
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 as promotions and build up personality as that.
Therefore
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, I suppose the advantages are overshadowed the disadvantages.

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