IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Describe the chart that shows reasons which made people move to capital city

Describe the chart that shows reasons which made people move to capital city
The line graph illustrates the causes which introduced
people
Use synonyms
 to move to the primary city.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that the
employment
Use synonyms
 and study had the highest total of
people
Use synonyms
 who had a reason for moving,
while
Linking Words
 the adventure had the smallest quantity of population. The
figure
Use synonyms
 for adventure, study and family/friends increased moderately,
while
Linking Words
employment
Use synonyms
 decreased gradually in the final
years
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
figure
Use synonyms
 for
employment
Use synonyms
 rose moderately from 60,000 in 2000 to 85,000 in 2005 before rising to over 90,000 in 2010.
However
Linking Words
, it decreased to 85,000 in the final
years
Use synonyms
. The number of
people
Use synonyms
 who study grew from over 20,000 to under 50,000 during the next 5
years
Use synonyms
 before going up marginally to under 50,000 in 2010.
However
Linking Words
, it surged sharply to 85,000 in the final
years
Use synonyms
 and had the highest
figure
Use synonyms
 for the population with the
figure
Use synonyms
 for
employment
Use synonyms
 who moved to the capital city. With regards to ,family friends maintained the same level before increasing from over 10000 in 2005 to 20,000 in 2010,
therefore
Linking Words
 it held steady during the next 5
years
Use synonyms
. The
figure
Use synonyms
 for adventure grew gradually from 10,000 to over 10,000 in the final
years
Use synonyms
 and had the lowest number of
people
Use synonyms
 who moved to the capital city in the period of question

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, employment, figure, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "move" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moderately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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