IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

It is better to learn the way people lived in past through films and videos records than written documents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #films #videos #records #documents
In
this
 modern era, it is dont reveal your secret to anyone because they mislead
itimportant
Correct your spelling
it important
important
 for
people
 to become educated about events that happened in the past. Some folks think that it is superior to acquire
a
Remove the article
knowledge
a piece of knowledge
show examples
knowledge
 the way
people
 lived in the past through video or
movies
whereas
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 argue that written
documents
 are more reliable.
Although
 there are numerous benefits of
gain
Wrong verb form
gaining
show examples
knowledge
 through
films
, written material are
also
 very beneficial.In the forthcoming article,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 shall elucidate my stance on
this
 matter before reaching a final verdict.
To begin
 with, there are several benefits of gaining
knowledge
 from
films
.
Firstly
,
films
 represent the emotions and provide the environment.
For example
, old
movies
 or dramas
represents
Correct subject-verb agreement
represent
show examples
 the actual situation and feelings of the
people
 as what happened in the past.
Secondly
, pictures and videos show culture,traditions and
also
 the houses of the
people
 in the past.
Thirdly
,
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 generation gets bored by reading
books
 related
history
Change preposition
to history
show examples
 so they prefer other sources to get information like
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
movies
 or video
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
 to explore different things.
Thus
, these are the advantages of video or
movies
 .
However
, written
documents
 are
also
 very beneficial for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals. First of all,
books
 or other documentary material provide accurate
knowledge
.
For instance
, individuals prefer to go
libraries
Change preposition
to libraries
show examples
 to search
more
Change preposition
for more
show examples
 information about the past as it is the best way to grasp
knowledge
.
In addition
, it is
also
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
 as
people
 read
books
any
Change preposition
at any
show examples
 time.
Consequently
, handwritten material is
also
 very beneficial for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans. In conclusion, having engaged in the subject matter,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree that
films
 and handwritten
documents
 both are beneficial for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals.
Therefore
, I believe that videos represent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
emotions and feelings,
books
Correct word choice
and books
show examples
 or written
documents
 provide reliable
knowledge
.
Submitted by THE TEACHING DESK on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: