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Band 9

Some people think that the government should decide which subject should study at the university, while others think that students should be allowed to apply for the subject they prefer. Discuss the two views and give your opinion.

#people #government #study #university #students #two
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In our contemporary, knowledge-driven society, possessing academic qualifications is paramount. There are contrasting viewpoints regarding whether the government should dictate university majors or if
students
 should have the freedom to select their preferred fields of study. On one side of the argument, proponents of government intervention in subject allocation argue that it can alleviate issues related to unemployment and labour shortages in specific sectors. In certain industries, there exists either a surplus of job opportunities with a scarcity of qualified candidates or an oversupply of qualified individuals without suitable employment. With government oversight, authorities can allocate more university slots for fields suffering from a workforce deficit and fewer slots for industries saturated with labour.
This
 strategy promotes balanced competition and,
consequently
, reduces unemployment rates.
Moreover
, it can address the problem of insufficient skilled labour in emerging sectors, thereby fostering their growth.
Conversely
, an opposing viewpoint asserts that allowing
students
 to choose their majors based on their interests fosters intrinsic motivation. When
students
 study subjects that align with their passions, their enthusiasm and engagement increase significantly.
This
 heightened interest can drive them to excel academically because they willingly invest more time and effort in delving deeper into their chosen subjects.
Additionally
, when
students
 have the freedom to select their academic paths, they can tailor their education to align with their career goals, adapt to their learning progress, and address their weaknesses.
This
 approach facilitates a holistic and well-rounded learning experience. In conclusion,
while
 both approaches offer advantages from different angles, personally, I believe that authorities should empower the next generation by allowing them to choose their fields of study based on their preferences, as
this
 approach is more conducive to their
overall
 development.
Submitted by yoyoghurtxd on

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style
Your essay beautifully explores the contrasting views on the subject of university education choice, providing a well-rounded perspective. To enhance clarity further, consider varying your sentence structures even more to maintain reader engagement.
content
To bolster your argument, you might want to incorporate more specific examples or case studies. While you provide a good balance of theoretical reasoning, concrete examples can add depth.
accuracy
Remember to proofread your essay to catch minor inaccuracies or typos that might distract the reader. This will ensure your essay is as polished as possible.
structure
Your essay demonstrated a coherent structure, with a clear introduction, well-developed body paragraphs, and a compelling conclusion.
balance
You've done an excellent job in articulating a balanced view before stating your own opinion. This approach is commendable as it shows a deep engagement with the topic.
language
The use of sophisticated vocabulary enhances the quality of your essay, demonstrating a high level of language proficiency.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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