IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

In many cities, problems related to overpopulation are becoming more common. Some governments are now encouraging business and individuals to move out of cities to rural areas. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#cities #overpopulation #governments #business #individuals #move #areas #trend
Nowadays, increasing the number of
people
 in capital cities has become a severe issue for governments.
However
, governments encourage citizens and
business
 sectors to move to the countryside or villages.
This
 essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of
this
 action for regular
people
 and the
business
. On the one hand, the positive effects of
this
 idea on
people
 and the maker sector are significant.
However
, moving to the countryside will bring ample opportunity for employers to save money and raise their children in a calm and non-expensive environment.
Furthermore
,
business
companies
 can benefit from
this
 governmental approach by dealing with the authorities to remove the tax if they start a
business
 in the countryside.
For example
, the education sector will start building excellent universities and primary schools, and because there is no taxation on their
business
, the fees will be low and convenient for families.
On the other hand
, moving a massive number of
people
 and
companies
 means increasing vehicles and factories, which leads to air pollution.
Moreover
, the
business
 sector may destroy the agricultural lands to provide space for their projects, which
also
 increases greenhouse gases
due to
 the loss of the planets and forests.
In addition
, if the citizens in that area did not care about their health status,
this
 may pressure the local hospitals and health
companies
 in rural areas. In conclusion, the governmental approach to letting
people
 move to rural area are fantastic, but they have to keep their eyes on the adverse effects caused by
people
 or
companies
 there.
Submitted by albishirt on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the trend. Provide a balanced argument and consider the implications from multiple perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows a mostly clear and logical progression of ideas, but there are areas of improvement in terms of linking ideas and developing cohesive relationships between sentences and paragraphs. Use transition words and phrases to create smoother connections between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: