Friendships that take place online are not as meaningful as those where people meet each other face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Friendship
is the most trustworthy relationship of an individual. It is being argued that relationships which are in-person are proved more fruitful than online ones. I personally agree with the above statement. In this
essay, I will give reasons to support my opinion.
To begin
with, most of the time people
only showcase their lucrative lifestyle on the internet to attract others, however
, they may just be showing their fake life Moreover
, by using online means we may not be able to know their behaviour and their true ambitions. for example
, In 2021 , there was a news article published in the mainstream media which stated that honeytraps was
made by the Pakistani army under which their female agents Change the verb form
were
honey trapped
Indian officials to gather crucial information. Add a hyphen
honey-trapped
Hence
,online friendship
can sometimes be unfavourable for the person.
To fortify further
, the cases of cybercrime are augmenting with the passing time and online interaction with the people
is the major factor fuiling the situation. Moreover
, as the friendship
is online they can manipulate the person to do bad deeds and they can also
never be trased under some circumstances. To elaborate further
, according to
the statistics of 2020-2021 , the people
who are victims of online fraud are mostly the ones who became friends through some online site and got fished. Therefore
, doing
Verb problem
making
friendship
online is a risky job.
Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
To conclude
Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
, It is clear from the above discussion that doing
Verb problem
making
friendship
online can be awful for a person. Replace the word
friends
Therefore
, people
should more focus on making friends in personperson
with whom they can share their highs and lows.Correct your spelling
person person
person-person
Submitted by preetjashan2020 on
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Task response
The candidate's response is complete and addresses the task adequately. The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, however, the main ideas and arguments could have been more clearly and comprehensively elaborated. More substantial details on why in-person friendships hold more value would have heightened the quality of the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically structured into the classical introduction, body, and conclusion format. Still, transitions could be worked on to enhance the flow of ideas. And, some points seem to be separated disconcertingly without a smooth bridge in between. Additionally, attention should be paid to organizing thoughts coherently within a paragraph.
Lexical Resource
While the candidate utilized an appropriate range of vocabulary ('augmenting', 'honeytraps', 'fraud', 'lucrative'), there were instances where the meaning of words and phrases could have been made clearer ('peoples are the victims', 'show their fake life'). Investing in improving lexical precision would greatly enhance the overall impression.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The grammatical range is fair, but there is room for improvement. For instance, there were several typos ('personperson', 'trased'), and this could impact the clarity and professionalism of the response. Be mindful of grammatical structures and proofread to avoid errors.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.